Rhode Island: No Equal Marriage, But Possible Funeral Rights

That's it?

Good God.  That's like going to the buffet and only being allowed to eat the jello fruit salad.

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by: fq5757 @ Wed Jun 03, 2009 at 08:59:14 AM CDT

This is at least of comfort

to the many gay men and women who have been widowed.

I am the lizard queen!

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by: RainbowPhoenix @ Wed Jun 03, 2009 at 09:06:23 AM CDT

so what will it be called,

Funeral Unions?  Deathly Duos?  Crypt Keeperships?  Reciprocal Burialficiaries?

Click HERE and sign up: Campaign For Military Partners.

Lurleen on Twitter.

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by: Lurleen @ Wed Jun 03, 2009 at 09:30:54 AM CDT

Great analogy

One more dimension:  though not welcome to participate in the buffet, LGBT folks are still presented with the check.

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by: BradK @ Wed Jun 03, 2009 at 09:52:25 AM CDT

Yes-yes-yes!

Adding that in...

Click HERE and sign up: Campaign For Military Partners

Click here for DADT photobook

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by: Louise @ Wed Jun 03, 2009 at 14:23:14 PM CDT

[ Parent ]

I had to laugh at this part of the story:

"Sen. Rhoda Perry, a Providence Democrat, said she sponsored the measure after hearing from people whose relationships were rejected by their late partners' families or had trouble claiming a body."

Geez, Rhoda - you mean you just discovered this all-too-common experience in the gay community? You legislators have had DECADES to research this travesty of justice and you finally brought this little bill up because you just heard about it?

I'm not sure what to be most enraged about - legislators who apparently have never bothered knowing anything our community and then pretend to "represent" our interests (a few decades later) or is this just an example of how the gay community has been so repressed that it just never bothered (apparently until recently) to even talk to those who claim to represent ALL the citizens in the legislature?

It behooves me that, just like the great heterosexual "marriage" debate over same-sex "marriages," the voices of our community, who are most affected by the desperate clinging to 19th century "everyone-lives-on-the-family-farm" marriage laws, that it takes THIS long for legislators to even recognize the horror those laws create for thousands of ordinary citizens.

This is one reason I so strongly resent candidates for public office who always tout their heterosexuality and "marriages" as some sort of qualification for public office. I would not be surprised if one of the reasons some legislatures drag their feet on providing any attention to the needs of the MAJORITY of UNMARRIED adult citizens is because MOST of the legislators are MARRIED.

One of the issues I wish we would tackle more often is WHY people in this country have some mindset that MARRIAGE is some sort of qualification for public office - or that everyone should be forced to aspire to that status as some kind of life achievement. It automatically leaves out those who aren't permitted to marry, those who choose not to marry, and those who cannot marry. Even with marriage as a heterosexually-based institution, women are generally screwed in the situation by a simple population count...there are more adult women in this country than men, so there will ALWAYS be women who CANNOT marry because there aren't enough male partners.

To me, that is significant - and I say this as still another point in the great heterosexual debate over same-sex relationships - married heterosexual legislatures which, at best, represent MAYBE half of the adults in a state, continue to ignore the reality of the lives of those who are not married. Are the rest of us (whether same-sex couples or "single" adults) supposed to continue to let heterosexual married legislatures toss us a crumb when they finally get around to finishing their own elaborate safety nets and say "wow. . .we didn't know we wrote the laws so only WE can make funeral arrangements?"

If these legislatures - and, for that matter, the media - had actually engaged in a discussion of the outrageous number of special rights lauded HALF the adult population, while ignoring the rest, things might move a little faster for ALL of us. But their continued refusal to recognize the reality of anything outside their own marriage status seems to be a factor in preventing them from understanding anything.

Let me give you an example. A close friend of mine lost her husband a decade ago. The adjustment from being recognized as legally married to "widow" was horrific, and it wasn't helped by a society obsessed with marital status. Not only did the dynamics of her social circle become altered forever (suddenly "couples" didn't want to be friends any longer, since she wasn't in a "couple") but after he was buried, she became "single" again, with a completely different set of laws governing the basic experiences of life. Our laws are written so that adult "single" people - including people who are single through no "fault" of their own, become aging spinsters/bachelors beholden to the tyranny of not only a possibly distant family, but nearly wards of the state. In other words, there is little between being forced to revert back to the unmarried son or daughter under supervision of some elderly parent or married sibling - AND becoming owned/directed by the State, which will gladly take over your property/funeral arrangements if there is no legally recognized "family" member to do it.

There is no excuse for legislatures to ignore this abominable disrespect for half the adult citizens.  

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by: kevinbgoode @ Wed Jun 03, 2009 at 10:08:59 AM CDT

Unlearning can be as difficult as learning

I'm patient with ignorant viewpoints; but I never fail to address them.  I don't waste contempt on those who those who don't know; but I make sure they know where I am coming from.

Now is the time for education, as well as expectation.

Hate stops a beating heart.

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by: KarenS @ Wed Jun 03, 2009 at 11:11:21 AM CDT

[ Parent ]

attacking the wrong person

Geez, Rhoda - you mean you just discovered this all-too-common experience in the gay community? You legislators have had DECADES to research this travesty of justice and you finally brought this little bill up because you just heard about it?

Just FYI, Rhoda has been our staunchest ally in the state Senate for many, many years. She has been the lead sponsor on marriage equality legislation from the very beginning (when it was first introduced in 1997) and also shepherded the LGB and then later the T civil rights bill through the Senate (which is no small feat, believe me.) She has a gay son and has mentioned that publicly, but she was our strongest ally even before her son came out.

No, Rhoda isn't the problem by any means. As others in this thread have noted, the main problem is our jerkwad governor. The legislators figure that he will veto any substantial legislation to help the LGBT community, so why spend the time, energy and political capital to pass any? In fact he has vetoed three LGBT-related bills during his term. Only one of those vetoes was overridden (they didn't bother to take up the other two although they probably had the votes.) He might let this bill go through since it's a response to a heartbreaking and now widely publicized incident (read down in the thread.) But ironically, we can actually already access this right via a law we got passed in 1999 where anyone can fill out a simple form and have it notarized. It allows anyone to designate who has the right to disposition of their remains, and the designated agent is at the top of the list in the law. But unfortunately, most people in this state had no idea that this law existed, sadly including the couple in the story referenced below.

BTW, in researching this issue a couple of years ago, I found a website with information about similar laws in most states. Worth checking out:

http://www.funerals.org/your-l...

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by: DubNotDubya @ Wed Jun 03, 2009 at 18:20:44 PM CDT

[ Parent ]

Rhode Island legislators

tossing the LGBT community an old, small, rotten, stinking bone.  How can this legislature be so different from all the others in New England?  It's amazing.

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by: Bruno @ Wed Jun 03, 2009 at 11:25:28 AM CDT

it's the governor

but he's on his way out and next session the legislature will have more room to do what it's been wanting to do.

Click HERE and sign up: Campaign For Military Partners.

Lurleen on Twitter.

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by: Lurleen @ Wed Jun 03, 2009 at 13:07:43 PM CDT

[ Parent ]

And all the other

Catholic democrats, just to name a few ...

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by: Karen in Kalifornia @ Wed Jun 03, 2009 at 13:20:21 PM CDT

[ Parent ]

Psychological Warfare Against our DIGNITY?

I cannot imagine ANY other group of people reacting as we do when it comes to what is rightfully ours to take.

GOVERNMENT says, "We'll let you bury your spouse as you wish".

WE appear grateful for this permission, and vow to "fight" for more.
=============================================

I can imagine SOME straight men would get a gun and TAKE OUT anyone who tried to rule against their beloved wife and children.

Sometimes I wish "our organizations" (bleh) would act more like (some) straight men.


Decades MORE of Psychological Abuse? - OR - Stonewall.  Nationwide.  NOW!

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by: John Bisceglia @ Wed Jun 03, 2009 at 11:53:30 AM CDT

Before everyone dumps on RI

...this bill has been in the works a while because of what happened to Marc Goldberg when his partner died.  It was yet another example in the legal relationship caste system where Marc and his partner's legal paperwork was not recognized.  

...my partner, Ron Hanby, and I were together for 17 years, had a Certificate of Marriage from the state of Connecticut, had Power of Attorney, Wills and Living Wills, I was denied access to his body after he passed away. Based on current state law, the Medical Examiner's office acting on behalf of the state of Rhode Island insisted that since Ron had no next of kin, they could not release the body to me.

Read the rest of the horror story here:
http://marriageequalityri.word...

But as commented above...wonder how RI will call and codify the relationship in death, but not in life.  Ironic and sad.

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by: Karen in Kalifornia @ Wed Jun 03, 2009 at 13:19:02 PM CDT

Yikes! That story is awful...

The other side keeps spouting off that we can create paperwork to take care of all our needs, that we don't need marriage,  but this is just another example of the fact that paperwork can and is often ignored.

Someone needs to compile all these stories as ammunition.

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by: fq5757 @ Wed Jun 03, 2009 at 15:42:22 PM CDT

[ Parent ]

New State Motto

Rhode Island - The Arkansas of New England.

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by: pt90048 @ Wed Jun 03, 2009 at 14:37:07 PM CDT

Generosity

Good little doggy! Here's some nice scraps as a treat!

____________________________________
Cuius testiculos habes, habeas cardia et cerebellum.

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by: tavdy79 @ Wed Jun 03, 2009 at 15:59:53 PM CDT

Oh btw, this bill has only passed the Senate.

Any bets about the Assembly?

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by: Karen in Kalifornia @ Wed Jun 03, 2009 at 16:15:46 PM CDT

good chance

I think there's a very good chance that it will pass the House as well. Why? Because they have no intention of giving us anything more substantial but don't want to look like total haters. Most legislators are actually not that horrible, but they're playing political games as always. Over the years there's been a long history of them "pairing" our bills with bills related to abortion. Basically, the deal is that they kill the pro-LGBT bills in exchange for also killing the anti-abortion bills (so the status quo remains, and the legislators don't have to take "difficult" votes.) We have managed to get some things passed anyway, but now that we no longer have a cooperative governor, there's been a lot less real progress. I don't think the gov will veto this one because the case that got some movement on the bill was so hideous and has been widely publicized. It's not actually much forward movement, though, because we already had access to this right via the ability to designate an agent for funeral planning purposes ahead of time. Unfortunately, a lot of people didn't and still don't know about that law.

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by: DubNotDubya @ Wed Jun 03, 2009 at 18:28:39 PM CDT

[ Parent ]