Monday's Liveblog with Rep Joe Sestak and Dan Choi can be replayed here

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DKos' Bill Sums The Whole Thing Up...

by: Louise

Thu Nov 05, 2009 at 09:30:00 AM EST

Justice of the Peace Office, Portland Maine
Thursday Morning---8am

"Mornin', Gladys."

"Mornin', Frank."

"What's on the schedule today?"

"Marriages, marriages, marriages. You've got McGillicutty-Swarthmore at nine."

"They're the Satan worshippers, right?"

"Yup, so make sure you're wearing your flame-retardant jacket, just in case. Then at ten you're doing Hinkle-Johnson. He's been divorced six times, she's been divorced three."

"Oh, yeah. I did his second, third and fifth, and her first and third. Nice folks."

"Then we moved Org-Zod, the rapturists, from 12 to 11, since they say the end is coming at noon and they want to be married by the time they go poof."

"Understandable. 'There are no singles bars in Paradise!' Corinthians 3:16."

"Then at one o'clock you're heading out to the county jail to marry Carr the crack addict mother of eight and Blankenship the axe murderer before they send him up to maximum security for a hundred years. Then you've got Welch and Nutt at two-thirty. He's the neo-nazi anarchist and she's the former nun who got booted for schtupping sixteen priests, two bishops and a cardinal."

"Great. As long as they love each other..."

"Then at two you're joining Kettlebaum the porn addict and Ganz the kitten-drowner, and at three you'll unite Smith the deadbeat dad and Browlowski, who chain smokes in front of her kids."

"And then the gay couple at four, right?"

"Oh, no, sir! That's against the law. They're too unstable for marriage. At four you've got Elgar, Formby, Rattenhauser and Ward. He cheated on her, she cheated on him, the other woman and the other man turned out to be husband and wife and now they wanna do the ol' 'I Do Switcheroo.'"

"Silly me, I forgot. Okay, let's get started. Send in the Satan worshippers. We've got some institution-of-marriage buildin' to do. Brick by brick!"

"You're so sexy when you talk morality, sir. Grrrrowl!"

"Ruff! Ruff!"

Yup- works for me...