Heterosexual Privilege- Some Talking Points

Let me add

Obviously this worksheet is geared toward straight people and is a record of their assumptions, not of gay people.

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by: kevinchi @ Wed Jun 24, 2009 at 11:09:27 AM CDT

It does say

"written by a number of straight-identified students at Earlham College who got together to look at some examples of straight privilege"

As an alum of Earlham College, I can say without hesitation that this is a wonderful example of that college's efforts to encourage students to think outside their own experiences.

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by: PookyShoehorn @ Wed Jun 24, 2009 at 12:21:04 PM CDT

[ Parent ]

Growing up

* Growing up straight means that I have abundant suitable role models on which to model my behaviour
* Growing up straight means that I have appropriate socialization to show me the rules of the dating game, and how to come on to some that I want to attract
* Growing up straight means that I will not be rejected by family for my sexual orientation
* Growing up straight means that I am dramatically less likely to be driven by bullying to take my own life.
 

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by: riverrun @ Wed Jun 24, 2009 at 11:20:14 AM CDT

I remember this...

I showed it to a bunch of people when I was in tenth grade.
I graduated in 2008, just to put a time line on things.

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by: PurpleLove08 @ Wed Jun 24, 2009 at 12:02:14 PM CDT

If you don't mind my asking

What was their response?

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by: joneke @ Wed Jun 24, 2009 at 12:03:26 PM CDT

[ Parent ]

How's it going today, joneke?

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by: kevinchi @ Wed Jun 24, 2009 at 12:05:16 PM CDT

[ Parent ]

Pretty good, thanks for asking

Nice post, btw. I had already read Peggy McIntosh's article, but this is the first I've seen of the Straight Privilege list.

It's been my experience that straight people who oppose gay marriage for non-religious reasons tend to not realize the real-life consequences that our current system of second-class citizenship has on LGBT folks lives. I think a discussions of this list by the broader public could do a lot to shift perception on the Gay Rights Movement. It's easy to deny rights to LGBT folks when you don't have to think about the hardship you're imposing on them (i.e. not being able to make legal decisions for your wife/husband because you're not married in the eyes of the law).

I didn't come around to supporting gay marriage until I realized my own straight privilege, and I'd like to think that some of my fellow straight folks could be persuaded as well. Hopefully that's not wishful thinking on my part.

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by: joneke @ Wed Jun 24, 2009 at 12:59:21 PM CDT

[ Parent ]

hetero privilege

I am extremely grateful for Earlham and the time that I spent there obtaining my Masters degree.  And it does not suprise me that this has come out of Earlham.  They were extremely important in helping me re-define my theology; how I interpreted the Bible; and in getting me out of the closet.  It also was the place where I learned to say "some of my best friends are lesbian!" lol

Jim

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by: jr42a @ Wed Jun 24, 2009 at 12:24:55 PM CDT

Good little article.

Sent to daughter starting Medical School. They need to be able to 'understand' , 'empathize'.

It's the Hammer of JUSTICE,
It's the Bell of FREEDOM,
It's the Song about LOVE between,
my Brothers and my Sisters
...All over this Land.

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by: Orion45 @ Wed Jun 24, 2009 at 12:48:21 PM CDT

Taking a stab at the definition

Heterosexual Privilege:  

A casual assumption that most others are just like you and that society identifies you correctly without any ill consequence.

I'm not completely satisfied with the definition but I think it comes close.

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by: DanM @ Wed Jun 24, 2009 at 13:15:39 PM CDT

An example

Back when Japhy Grant interviewed Renee who runs the blog womanistmusings.com, she admitted that not only was she against same-sex marriage but that she was against marriage as an institution. Now I am familiar with the feminist critique of the institution of marrigae, so I understood where she was coming from but something still bugged me about her statement.

Later a couple of other blogs picked up the Queerty story and somewhat mangled her actual position into a position that she was against same sex marriage, which wasn't exactly right.

Later I figured out what bugged me so much about her position.

(I will leave aside the fact that Renee is Canadian and, therefore, the same sex marriage question is now moot in her country; that could be construed as another privileged position.)

In an American context, she could decline to get married for the reasons that she stated but she would still have the right to get married, whereas same-sex couples do not. In that way, Renee (who I don't think is homophobic at all) was speaking from a position of heterosexual privilege.

To me, hetero privilege extends far, far beyond the marriage issue and corrodes every fact of the very being of the GLBT community in ways which even I haven't fully acknowledged.

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by: kevinchi @ Wed Jun 24, 2009 at 13:30:01 PM CDT

Disagreeing with the concept philosophically and actually being able to...

be married are two different things.

I was having a heated conversation with a bunch of my friends about this, and one offered "You talk about side stepping the status quo all the time. Why on earth would you want to get married?". I thought about it a moment and said, "I don't like being told what I can't do." And for my friend, he doesn't find marriage agrees with him, and will likely not get married anytime soon. He could change his mind tomorrow, run to Vegas and very much enjoy the rights and benifits of such a decision. Its not about whether or not I agree with marriage as an institution at all, its about whether or not I have the freedom to eventually have one without sanction.  

"So. What have we learned? We have learned the first lesson. They will always hate us... We must give the ordinary humans respect, compliance, and understanding. And we must never mistake that for trust." - Emma Frost, Astonishing X-Men, 1

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by: g_whiz @ Wed Jun 24, 2009 at 13:54:17 PM CDT

[ Parent ]

Exactly, that's what bugged

me about what Renee was saying (Maybe I didn't say that clearly).

She had the freedom to say that and the ability to make choices whereas most of the gay audience for her interview with Grant did not have that freedom of choice. That was heterosexual privilege.

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by: kevinchi @ Wed Jun 24, 2009 at 14:03:26 PM CDT

[ Parent ]

There's more privilege in Renee's position than just being straight

To my knowledge, she chooses to cohabitate with and be financially supported by her cisgendered male mate, in a system where she doesn't have to worry about being denied health care for her disabling condition. Marriage for her is not a necessity, so she can afford to be against the institution. In Canada, her children are not at risk for being taken away because her sexuality makes her an unfit parent. She has a secondary right of kinship to her mate as biological mother to his children. No one will deny that they are a family. Her unthinking privilege as a heterosexual woman and a citizen with public health care (a MAJOR reason why American LGBTs keep harping on marriage), is breathtaking.

There's more to straight privilege than just recognizing the civil right of marriage. One must also look at the conditions which make marriage such a necessity in a country. I would love for us all to not HAVE to get married in order to survive. Renee doesn't have to, so she chooses not to. Must be nice to have the option.

(If any of my presumptions are wrong, kev, please correct me. I haven't read been to Renee's blog in a long time, and my information may be outdated.)

God save ornery old queens! - kevinchi

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by: Keori @ Wed Jun 24, 2009 at 16:06:55 PM CDT

[ Parent ]

Right, that occured to me as I was typing that post

the Canadian privilege of her position.

I haven't been over to Renee's blog in awhile either, although she visits here from time to time. I mean, I'm not trying to slam her or anything; quite the contrary, I'm not certain that she even recognized it.  

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by: kevinchi @ Wed Jun 24, 2009 at 16:17:45 PM CDT

[ Parent ]

What becomes of obliviousness.

Oh cool. Right around the time Proposition 8 passed, I was having these somewhat heated, (I was TRYING to be civil) debates with a mormon who was grappling with being seen as a "bad guy" for "hating the sin". I rememeber bringing up the idea of heterosexual privlidge in the dialouge, and informing him that people tend to be completley oblivious to the ways their statuses grant them advantages over others. This post is an excellent reminder of that. Thanks for posting it.  

"So. What have we learned? We have learned the first lesson. They will always hate us... We must give the ordinary humans respect, compliance, and understanding. And we must never mistake that for trust." - Emma Frost, Astonishing X-Men, 1

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by: g_whiz @ Wed Jun 24, 2009 at 13:46:48 PM CDT

Honesty about Heterosexual Privilege for Allies to the LGBT Cause

It has been my experience that there is an unfortunate tendency regarding groups seeking equal rights and protections that inside and outside the cause, there is an assumption that if you are an activist for those groups, it is automatically assumed that you belong to the group itself.  It has long been maddening to me that my feminist friends can only be female (while I have known many men that identify themselves as feminists), just as it is assumed when I promote awareness of developments on the LGBT rights front online, that I am myself gay.  A week ago or so I had this happen to me, and when she corrected her statement, I was moved from the status of a fellow fighter for equality to merely an ally.

This tendency to cultivate an idea that the only people who can truly understand the injustice are those to whom it actually happens is troubling and largely self-defeating.  While I applaud the efforts to educate people of the privileges they enjoy merely by being straight, I find the implication that even "allies" to the cause prefer to remain in ignorance of these benefits insulting, dangerous and risks damaging the integrity of the movement as a whole.  There is no cause that resonates more powerfully with me than the struggle for LGBT rights, despite the fact that I am a heterosexual.  To imply that I don't have the empathetic capacity to understand the gross injustices visited upon my friends and family simply for who they are is beyond insulting.  I may enjoy hetero-privilege, but don't imagine for a second that I am unaware of it, or that I take it for granted.

Moreover, just as LGBT individuals dislike being representative of their entire class, I find that the above declarations do precisely that for heterosexuals.  The statements assume that straight individuals have never faced insults based on what others may have perceived as flawed gender identity growing up.  Is there no such thing as a tomboy (who is straight), but rebels against imposed expectation of femininity in this worldview?  My own gay-hating grandmother assumed I was a lesbian for years and was terrified.

Where is the recognition that some of the elements declared in heterosexual privilege has more to do with how well a person fits their expected gender roles than simply in orientation?  I live in Salt Lake City, Utah, and still struggle against prevailing expectations and face disapproval because my life choices regarding gender roles and eventual parenting choices (my husband wants to be the primary caregiver while I work to support the family.)  As a woman in Utah, my sex determines what I am and am not allowed to do and remain socially acceptable, so some of the assumptions of the privileges I enjoy don't even apply.

I applaud your efforts to increase awareness of areas in which we need to demand change in action and attitude, and still more, the dedication with which you pursue justice.  But I ask that you perhaps think a bit more carefully before you make declarations that damage the inclusive nature of the struggle for LGBT rights.

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by: slignot @ Wed Jun 24, 2009 at 14:28:57 PM CDT

I'll reply more fully to this later

but do note that I did point out that not every straight person who is an "ally" is like this. But a lot of the recent complaints that GLBTs are having "hissy fits," for example, over the DOJ brief reek of heterosexual privilege. And I'm tired of it.

Do note also that I posted this, in part, becuase there may be levels of denial that even I, as a gay man, may have about heterosexual privilege.

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by: kevinchi @ Wed Jun 24, 2009 at 15:36:15 PM CDT

[ Parent ]

Did you read this list as an attack on straight people?

I ask because you said this:

This tendency to cultivate an idea that the only people who can truly understand the injustice are those to whom it actually happens is troubling and largely self-defeating.  While I applaud the efforts to educate people of the privileges they enjoy merely by being straight, I find the implication that even "allies" to the cause prefer to remain in ignorance of these benefits insulting, dangerous and risks damaging the integrity of the movement as a whole.

I didn't get a 'straight people don't know & they don't wanna know' vibe from this post. I read the list as an conglomeration of the privileges that straight people enjoy, whether we conform to traditional gender roles or not. Each point won't apply to every single one of us but by and large it's pretty accurate. The point is that these are priveleges we receive as a birthright. Straight people don't have to acknowledge them or even ask for them; they're just there.  

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by: joneke @ Wed Jun 24, 2009 at 17:09:34 PM CDT

[ Parent ]

White Privilege

The "straight people don't know & they don't wanna know" reminds me of the "white people don't know & they don't wanna know" problem that racial minorities face far too often. How many of the sentences above could be easily refigured to describe a Black, Asian or Hispanic person's life experiences?

____________________________________
Cuius testiculos habes, habeas cardia et cerebellum.

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by: tavdy79 @ Wed Jun 24, 2009 at 18:25:03 PM CDT

[ Parent ]

In fact the sentences above

were reconfigured in just that way.

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by: kevinchi @ Wed Jun 24, 2009 at 18:48:58 PM CDT

[ Parent ]

Another Good One

Not sure if anyone has seen or posted this, but another good checklist is on cis-gendered privilege:

http://www.tgboards.com/articl...

Sometimes as marginalized groups we can forget that we have other undeserved privileges and advantages that others don't. Great post :)

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by: KD108 @ Wed Jun 24, 2009 at 15:17:46 PM CDT

Brilliant post, kevinchi.

"It goes on one at a time, it starts when you care to act, it starts when you do it again after they said no, it starts when you say We and know who you mean, and each day you mean one more."

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by: Louise @ Wed Jun 24, 2009 at 15:43:34 PM CDT

I might add...

As a straight person blame for my bad behavior, or bad personal choices that I have made, have never been attributed to my sexual orientation even when my bad behavior was of a specificly (hetero)sexual nature and certainly when my misbehavior had NOTHING to do with sex or sexuality.

Straight people aren't judged as a group by the behavior of Mark Sanford, Newt Gingrich and other cheating bastards, OR by the behavior of some of the (straight) people at a Mardi Gras parade.

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by: Zeke @ Wed Jun 24, 2009 at 15:49:19 PM CDT

Interesting...

This is an interesting article, and I don't want to take away from its merit, but I think this line of reasoning is more damaging than helpful. For instance, many people are made fun of for being smart (nerd, etc...) However, this is a social issue, not an issue of law or politics. Should we pass laws requiring equal rights for smart people? Other people are made fun of for being dumb. Should we also have equal rights for dumb people? Perhaps we should fight to be sure smart people can have the same jobs as dumb people? Some guys really enjoy ballroom dancing, but could also easily be made fun of this. Just because you can feel social grief for your feelings, for the way you were born, or for the way you carry yourself... does not mean there should be a crusade to force the world to act a different way in response.

Aside from this, the points given in this article only work if the presumption is a homosexual person as a minority. Raise a straight child in a family of homosexual people, send the straight child to a school which consists mostly of homosexual people, and have the straight person live in a world of mostly homosexual people, and this article (in reverse) would likely apply.

So, the underlying issue is not how straight people treat homosexual people. It's how people treat each other, period. This isn't a sexuality issue, it's a human issue. By turning it into something that it's not, you compound the problem and turn it into a fight for ego, which only exacerbates the human condition.

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by: StareClips @ Wed Jun 24, 2009 at 18:34:59 PM CDT

Wow, how long did it take you

to make up this drivel?

First of all, how likely is this:

Raise a straight child in a family of homosexual people, send the straight child to a school which consists mostly of homosexual people, and have the straight person live in a world of mostly homosexual people, and this article (in reverse) would likely apply.

Let's go here:

For instance, many people are made fun of for being smart (nerd, etc...) However, this is a social issue, not an issue of law or politics. Should we pass laws requiring equal rights for smart people? Other people are made fun of for being dumb. Should we also have equal rights for dumb people? Perhaps we should fight to be sure smart people can have the same jobs as dumb people? Some guys really enjoy ballroom dancing, but could also easily be made fun of this. Just because you can feel social grief for your feelings, for the way you were born, or for the way you carry yourself... does not mean there should be a crusade to force the world to act a different way in response.

Now being a nerd, being smart, or being dumb are all far more dependent on enviromental factors. You are born gay, it's an immutable characteristic.

Somehow, I don't think you think that though. Accordingly, you would probably think that gay people have made a "lifestyle choice" And usually, people who think like that...well, we know.

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by: kevinchi @ Wed Jun 24, 2009 at 21:45:40 PM CDT

[ Parent ]

I totally disagree and have a case in point.

Cherry Grove is a town in New York where 85% of the people are gay or lesbian (and a relatively high number of transgendered people as well).  The heterosexuals are vastly outnumbered and the daily routine does assume that everyone is gay.

Yet the heterosexuals there are treated as part of our bigger family -- no condescension, no animosity, no mocking.  We cherish their children as they cherish ours.

Clearly, when you thought

have the straight person live in a world of mostly homosexual people, and this article (in reverse) would likely apply

you assumed that such a scenario wouldn't exist.

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by: tc59 @ Wed Jun 24, 2009 at 22:04:02 PM CDT

[ Parent ]

Actually I didn't assume that

but I would assume that in that case that a child would grow up without much "straight privilege." However, let that child go to college and get out into the workforce where nearly all legal and social structures are geared toward straight privilege. Then let's see how he assimilates into that world.

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by: kevinchi @ Wed Jun 24, 2009 at 22:22:37 PM CDT

[ Parent ]

my apologies to you

I thought you were replying to me. My bad. Good post, by the way.

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by: kevinchi @ Wed Jun 24, 2009 at 22:25:59 PM CDT

[ Parent ]

Whew!

my first real comment here and I thought I misread the thread!

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by: tc59 @ Wed Jun 24, 2009 at 23:55:36 PM CDT

[ Parent ]

Excuse the fuck out of me?

However, this is a social issue, not an issue of law or politics.

This isn't an "issue" at all. It's our LIVES.

Since you're new around here, a word of advice: sit down, shut up, and listen for a while. It's amazing what you can learn when you stop operating under the impression that you know something. The first lesson you need to ingest is that straight people, by and large, don't give a shit about queers now matter what their political affiliation or "human issue." And yes, that bugs the fuck out of us, because we have to beg for our rights from straight people whose privilege blinds them to the hell in which they force us to live.

Your screed there reeks of the exact same privilege that was the topic of kevinchi's post. The coat closet is that way. -> Check it.

(By the way, dumb people already have rights. Idiocy is no barrier to voting, getting married, owning property, or becoming a Senator, as the number of Republicans in office can attest.)

God save ornery old queens! - kevinchi

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by: Keori @ Wed Jun 24, 2009 at 22:17:51 PM CDT

[ Parent ]

Normalization

I have to agree with StareClips.  The privilege list largely addresses normalization [Wikipedia].  There are a lot of alienated souls out there -- alienated for lots of reasons.  I would rather focus on building common human empathy than try to normalize every aspect of our individual character.  Every one of us (heterosexual or homosexual) is abnormal in our own way.

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by: nedofbaker @ Thu Jun 25, 2009 at 01:12:14 AM CDT

[ Parent ]

Geek vs Gay

As a self-proclaimed and proud geek, I can testify that while I do occasionally get some social awkwardness and rather idiotic jokes from people, it has not once translated into:

- not getting a job because my glasses are the size of coke bottles
- being unable to find a place of worship due to my propensity for wearing polo shirts and khaki pants (or t-shirts with obscure physics jokes)
- being told on a regular basis my kids were going to hell /  being raised poorly / would be better off with an alcoholic abusive parent simply because I as their parent enjoy playing Magic or Dungeons and Dragons
- being denied health benefits because raid groups are not covered under the definition of "next of kin"

Your analogy is deeply flawed. Yes, people should treat each other better in general, but wow. This isn't about "social grief". It's about an entire class of people being treated like a legal second-class citizen for no just reason.

In other words, being a geek might be socially awkward but it's not going to stop me from getting married, getting a family pool pass, or paying my taxes as a married person. Geeks don't NEED protection. They don't NEED a crusade (except for that burning one) or lawmakers on their side. They're already covered, along with blondes, stupid people, short people, and boys who like to dance.

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by: residentgeek @ Thu Jun 25, 2009 at 16:10:47 PM CDT

[ Parent ]

straight privilidge

means I define what's morally right, what's God's plans, what's medical, psychological, and spiritual NORMAL

Coincidently we are all of the above...and you AREN'T

What have you done today, to make ya feel PROUD?


~Heather Small

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by: peteyPornpig @ Wed Jun 24, 2009 at 22:32:13 PM CDT

defining the landscape completely

My understanding of what it means for me to be a lesbian was profoundly and wrongly shaped by definitions of lesbian in which we are supposed to be women seeking the kind or range of interaction/relationship with other women that heterosexuals have with each other.

I am not talking about butch/femme, or about stable relationships vs other approaches.

I am talking about something else - the definition of "lesbian" as an individual who seeks connection with other women for the same range of reasons that heterosexuals would seek connection with each other in romantic/sexual encounters and relationships in this society.

This definition is not only wrong for me, it is actually harmful to me if I try to act in that landscape. I know this from lived experience.

This definition is in the wrong landscape entirely for me. I don't recognize any of the signposts or landmarks. And so I am disoriented in what is supposed to be my own sexual orientation.

And I am supposed to accept such disorientation because by commonly accepted definition in this society as I have experienced it, if I am a lesbian, that means I am an individual who seeks connection with other women for the same range of reasons that heterosexuals would seek connection with each other in romantic/sexual encounters and relationships in this society.

Heterosexual people are so completely and unquestioningly the norm in this society that there is no additional or other way for this culture and society to envision the role and purpose of human sexual connection except in relationship to that norm.

Heterosexual interactions and relationships so completely define the range and purpose of human sexual connection that their culturally-defined sexual orientation defines the deep landscape completely. We define our own sexual orientation in reference to theirs. This fits better for some of us than others of us, of course.

And I should mention, I have also experienced harm at the hands of lesbian/gay people who use that accepted definition to center themselves and/or to enact power and control in other ways.

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by: michelle @ Thu Jun 25, 2009 at 02:15:52 AM CDT

Interesting list

I think the most interesting part about this list to me is how I don't even like all the points as a hetero person.  I'm a bit old-fashioned and don't really care to see people being overtly sexual publicly no matter the orientation.  When I'm out and about I don't even think about who is walking with who, and their sexuality doesn't come into it unless they're being overt about it.  I also hate when someone does the whole overly cautious act when they discover someone is among a minority in any aspect; it always comes across to me as condescending.  Of course the list also points the other side of the guilt card; being pushed into activism out of some perceived guilt, basically because one exists in a category strikes me as pretty depressing.

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by: CrashCat @ Thu Jun 25, 2009 at 12:01:31 PM CDT

How's This for Hetero Privilege ...

... stepping into a discussion thread about hetero privilege then declaring that, oh, who CARES about that silly heterosexism stuff?  Because we are all very special snowflakes, and gosh, people are mean to me too even though I'm not gay!

Honest to gawd, y'all: http://www.derailingfordummies...  I'd be less peeved if I didn't feel that an explicitly LGBT-focused blog really isn't a place for straight and cis allies to get their LGB 101 on.

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by: justsomeguy @ Fri Jun 26, 2009 at 09:10:21 AM CDT