Taking "bat sh-t crazy" to a whole new level: The Conservative Bible Project

LOL!

Who wants to bet you won't flip a page without reading a line about homosex?

Who needs gay erotica when we've got THIS train wreck to get all hot & bothered over?

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by: bluegrassfool @ Mon Oct 05, 2009 at 15:19:47 PM CDT

I will be interested in seeing how they deal with David & Jonathan and Ruth & Naomi

And very interested in seeing how they will handle the Song of Songs.

Plus ça change, plus c'est la même merde.

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by: TechBear @ Mon Oct 05, 2009 at 15:21:30 PM CDT

[ Parent ]

Or...

Who wants to bet you won't flip a page without reading a line about homosex?

Or without a declaration that Phil Gramm is Metatron.

Express Free Market Parables; explaining the numerous economic parables with their full free-market meaning

Or, perhaps, that Gramm is god himself.

>^..^<

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by: KatRose @ Mon Oct 05, 2009 at 21:37:10 PM CDT

[ Parent ]

And they will be translating from....what?

The original English-language version written by God at the time of Creation?

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by: AggieCowboy @ Mon Oct 05, 2009 at 15:40:18 PM CDT

God wrote the Bible in King James English, doncha know

Alas, it has gone through the hands of many liberals, who added all sorts of commie ideas and sissy stuff about love and peace. It is time to reclaim the Bible and restore it to God's Holy, Unalterable and thoroughly Hard-Right-Wing Truth!

Plus ça change, plus c'est la même merde.

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by: TechBear @ Mon Oct 05, 2009 at 15:42:46 PM CDT

[ Parent ]

These idiots already think...

...that the damn thing was dropped off on this planet all nicely hardcover bound in the King James Version.

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by: RadarGrrl @ Mon Oct 05, 2009 at 15:52:24 PM CDT

[ Parent ]

Nah...

The just picked one up at the motel 6 and kept it.

The 'new and improved 10 commandments'

Thou shalt not have more than 12 items at the 12 item asile at the walmart.

Thou shalt not use the name of Dale Earnhardt in vein.

You shall serve the King of Kings fried nanner, peanut butter samiches.

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by: Gina9223 @ Mon Oct 05, 2009 at 16:16:45 PM CDT

[ Parent ]

Don't forget the pork rinds!

...and the poutine!

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by: RadarGrrl @ Mon Oct 05, 2009 at 17:06:09 PM CDT

[ Parent ]

Poutine?

That's what the eat in evil socialist Soviet Canuckistan!  You know, the place where people die standing in line to get health care and where we have to be careful about buying our medications because they may be harmful, even though they were probably made here and are being re-imported and are still cheaper.  
Hmm, now I'm wondering how they will handle the good Samaritan story.  With this, the bible has jumped the shark.  They are turning it into fan fiction!

My America includes LGBT families.

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by: Mena @ Mon Oct 05, 2009 at 19:28:53 PM CDT

[ Parent ]

pork rinds!

¡Yo quiero chicharrones! Es cómida tipica.

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by: coram nobis @ Mon Oct 05, 2009 at 23:56:06 PM CDT

[ Parent ]

You gotta go see

They're literally translating from the King James Version. Into English. Amurican English.  

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by: baochan @ Mon Oct 05, 2009 at 17:19:55 PM CDT

[ Parent ]

um, about King James I

I don't know if they realize it, but King J was the biggest fairy of the Reformation. And the "wisest fool in Christendom."

God works in mysterious ways.

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by: coram nobis @ Mon Oct 05, 2009 at 17:23:28 PM CDT

[ Parent ]

i remember ....

...a history teacher (oddly enough at an all-boys private catholic high school) telling us that the joke when james took the throne after elizabeth was that "they exchanged one old queen for another."

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by: StSean @ Mon Oct 05, 2009 at 19:26:27 PM CDT

[ Parent ]

all in the royal family

Reminds me, quite OT, about the time the Queen Mother wanted a nightcap, rang for a servant and got no answer. She finally phoned the servants' quarters and asked, "Would one of you old queens get this old queen a drink?"

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by: coram nobis @ Mon Oct 05, 2009 at 23:49:16 PM CDT

[ Parent ]

Creating an alternate universe

Of course we must remember that Thomas Jefferson cut out all the parts of the Bible that he didn't agree with.

What I find most amusing (and a little scary) is the whole concept of Conservapedia - making an online encylcopedia "safe" for home schoolers so they don't have to resort the the reality-based sites like Wikipedia.  They really want to exist in a parallel dimension.

The other thing that is interesting about this is that, in the past, even "conservative" translations of the Bible had a least a modicum of pretension to scholarship. i.e the people who worked on the translations could read Hebrew, Greek and Latin.  This "project" makes it seem as if all you need to contribute to the conservative bible is to be a good conservative.  You don't need no book learnin'.  The Sarah Palin version of scholarship.

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by: mkfarkus @ Mon Oct 05, 2009 at 15:45:22 PM CDT

You know...

There are home schoolers who aren't fundies. Home schoolers who are queer, even. (Are queer and don't hide it or spend their lives feeling guilty about it while trying to deny others their rights.) We're few and far between, but becoming less so.

I know the point you were trying to make, and it's valid. I've met so many home schooled kids who just have no clue about the world that it's not even funny. But I've also met others who are intelligent, independent, creative, social, and happy with the education they received at home.

It just sucks to see everyone who's been taught at home lumped into one group.

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by: Queue @ Mon Oct 05, 2009 at 21:39:00 PM CDT

[ Parent ]

Excuse me?

Not all homeschoolers are fundie kooks, thank you.

I am working on getting a teaching credential so that I can homeschool my nephew when he becomes old enough for school, because the public schools have been so dumbed-down in an attempt to make everybody happy that I would rather take matters into my own hands to make sure that he grows up with an actual education.

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by: acidqueen @ Tue Oct 06, 2009 at 12:46:02 PM CDT

[ Parent ]

So much for the "Unerring Word of God"

I love this!!!! They are acknowledging that:

1. There is no "Bible." There are bibles, and even amoung self-identified Christians there are huge disagreements about what should be included.

2. All bibles are translated according to a predetermined world view. Therefore all bibles have the hand of man on them - none can be the True Word of God, because all pass through men.

3. Using any bible, or Koran, or Torah, or any Wiccan alternative, to determine social policy is inherently unfair, because we cannot even agree on the book itself.

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by: CPT_Doom @ Mon Oct 05, 2009 at 15:54:48 PM CDT

King James English

I recall when a congressman from Wyoming said "if the English language was good enough for our Lord Jesus Christ, it's good enough for us!"
Seriously.
I wonder if he's involved with the Bunghole Bible. So named because it is being rewritten by bungholes. Huh huh huh!

I'm straight--not narrow

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by: bloomingpsycho @ Mon Oct 05, 2009 at 16:21:04 PM CDT

The fatal flaw

Rule #3 will sink this product. Writing it above a 7th grade reading comprehensive level will ensure it will never reach its intended audience.

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by: xerxes @ Mon Oct 05, 2009 at 16:25:52 PM CDT

Since they don't actually read the damn thing anyway,

it won't make much difference.  Their ministers will tell them what it says.

Cynic, n.  A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be.  
-Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary

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by: QScribe @ Mon Oct 05, 2009 at 17:11:08 PM CDT

[ Parent ]

Definitely

I'm with you, Q!

www.theglbtactivist.org

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by: wspencer @ Mon Oct 05, 2009 at 17:19:30 PM CDT

[ Parent ]

that's true

Some of them are so ill-informed biblically that according to one poll, only 4 in 10 Americans think that Jesus delivered the Sermon on the Mount.

A fair number seem to think it was Billy Graham.

http://www.sermonillustrations...

The story has been told about several famous preachers, but it actually happened to Joseph Parker, minister of the City Temple in London. An old lady waited on Parker in his vestry after a service to thank him for the help she received from his sermons. "You do throw such wonderful light on the Bible, doctor," she said. "Do you know that until this morning, I had always thought that Sodom and Gomorrah were man and wife?"  -- from site

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by: coram nobis @ Mon Oct 05, 2009 at 17:39:22 PM CDT

[ Parent ]

Oh. So sadly true.

-----
~~Autumn~~

As if there were safety in stupidity alone.
--Henry David Thoreau

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by: Autumn Sandeen @ Tue Oct 06, 2009 at 18:35:57 PM CDT

[ Parent ]

In the beginning, God registered as a Republican.

Bethlehem will be replaced with Wasilla. Mary and Joseph will go there, not to pay the taxes, but to have a tea party.

David sure as hell won't kiss Jonathan.

Commandment 11: Thou shalt not be gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender.

Jesus: Whoever believeth in me shall not be GLBT.

The 3 "wise" men: Ronald Reagan, Jerry Falwell, and Bill O'Reilly.

Any others?


"I like your Christ, but do not like your Christians. They are so unlike your Christ." ~Gandhi

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by: keithan81 @ Mon Oct 05, 2009 at 17:26:19 PM CDT

Fun topic...

Judge not, unless you're judging gays or liberals...

Woe to you, Scribes and Pharisees, you aren't as conservative as Sean Hannity and Bill O'Reilly...

Philip saw the Ethiopian eunuch and took his job away, beat him up, and left him on the side of the road for some Samaritan to find.

And after he came up out of the water (oops, we can't use the word "out"), Rush Limbaugh's voice came from heaven saying "This is my beloved Son, for whom I think and speak."

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by: brendaaliana @ Tue Oct 06, 2009 at 11:59:42 AM CDT

[ Parent ]

I can hardly wait for their translation

When Jesus saw the crowds, he went up the mountain; and after he sat down, his campaign consultants came to him.
2Then he began to broadcast, and taught them, saying:
3"Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. The poor in money can wait.
4"Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted by the funeral industry.
5"Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth, but not the mineral rights.
6"Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be be watching Fox News.
7"Blessed are the merciful, for they will receive mercy, but won't be elected Governor.
8"Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God, or at least Pat Robertson.
9"Blessed are the peacemakers, especially the .357 Magnum.
10"Blessed are those who are privatized for righteousness' sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
11"You are the salt of the earth; but if salt has lost its taste, how can its saltiness be restored? Blessed art ADM and ConAgra.

Lord have mercy.

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by: coram nobis @ Mon Oct 05, 2009 at 17:31:11 PM CDT

What do we care?

What do we care about this distraction?  This is just another example of "them against us".  As long as we are fighting amongst ourselves about trivial, unimportant (we know it will never happen) stuff like this, we are not focusing on the source of the problem - Congress.  

We complain about this and that watching the TV news thinking we know it all.  And we don't know sh*t.  Everything that you can think of that is a "problem" can be traced back to the government.  And it doesn't matter what "side" they are on, they are all corrupt.  

This blog is so one sided (left) - it is very discouraging to me.  It feels like one of my own is working against me to keep me uninformed like the government/corporate owned fringe media ABCNNBCBS & FAUX News.  Just because we are gay doesn't mean we HAVE to be Democrats.

Ask yourself, if both sides say they want lower taxes, then why are taxes so high?  If both sides say they want balanced budgets, then why do we have deficits?  If both sides say they want to end the wars, then why do we have so many wars?  And don't say it's because the Republican's are stopping it because the current Congress has a filibuster majority; meaning they can do anything they want and the Republicans can't do anything about it.  

Instead of beating up on the mean ole greedy republicans and telling us how bad they are, could you never mention them ever again and still have material for your blog?  Can you post anything that doesn't mention the other side?  

If you're going to continue to be so one sided, could you at least have posts without comparing the good Democrats against the bad Republicans?  Will you begin to show us the bad things about Democrats, too?  It's only fair, right?

Example:  A search of your blog reveals only two entries (below) about Ty Harrell.

http://www.pamspaulding.com/weblog/2005/12/sayonara-to-big-tent-for-wake-gop-head.html

...mentions Harrell running for office and the finance director for Erskine Bowles' Senate campaign.  

http://www.pamshouseblend.com/diary/8146/

...mentions Harrell being "a black authority figure" elected to office.  

Here's a link to a couple of stories from the N&O you missed, or maybe didn't feel it was necessary to inform your readers about Harrell's investigation and/or resignation since he was such a well respected "black authority figure".    

http://www.newsobserver.com/search_results/ty%20harrell - A search of the N&O website for "Ty Harrell".

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by: raleighguy @ Mon Oct 05, 2009 at 17:32:51 PM CDT

educate yourself

Taxes aren't high.

The top tax bracket starts at $357,000 and pays 35%.
When I started working, 1986, The top bracket was at 171,000 and paid 50%.
In 1968, the year I was born, the top bracket started at 200,000 and paid 75.25%.
In 1946, the year my mother was born, the top bracket started at 200,000 and paid 86.45%.

The bottom bracket is up to 16,050 and taxed at 10%
http://www.ntu.org/main/page.p...

Tell me again how taxes are too high.

Also, if you're siding with conservatives, be aware they want to cure or kill you. They don't care if you're conservative. They only care that you're gay.

No one ever talks about [extermination]. They just do it. And you go on with your lives, ignoring the signs all around you. And then, one day, when the air is still and the night has fallen, they come for you.

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by: valarltd @ Mon Oct 05, 2009 at 19:53:48 PM CDT

[ Parent ]

Swing and a miss!

You totally missed the point of my post.  Read it again in a non partisan frame of mind.  

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by: raleighguy @ Wed Oct 07, 2009 at 16:51:40 PM CDT

[ Parent ]

This reminds me of that bastardized Origin of Species with 50 page intro

But even WORSE.

changing the meaning of PEACE and WORD.
Freemarket parables...f*ck the meek and peacemakers, and no loaves and fishes for you welfare Queens....YIKES!

What I can't figure out is the benefit of this Neo Con bible?
It would disavow any later prophecies...there goes Mormons and scientology.
The Orthodox Jews and the Vatican will angerly disavow anything these wiki neo cons rewrite...so where's the application it works?
liberty law SkOOl?

"race, taste. and History finally overcome....and you ain't there"
by Tony Kushner

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by: peteyPornpig @ Mon Oct 05, 2009 at 17:59:10 PM CDT

translation

This seems to be a let's mash up the bible to fit our preconceptions session, rather than anything to do with translation.  Incidentally, if anyone is interested in the real difficulties with translation, some of that is discussed in Spinoza's Theological-Political Treatise, which points out the degree that ancient hebrew itself is difficult to interpret (Spinoza is dealing with the old testament primarily)  There are lost meanings, issues with verb tenses, etc.  He also looks at the history of the construction of the books.

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by: robert wood @ Mon Oct 05, 2009 at 18:36:54 PM CDT

Just out of curiosity...

This rewriting of the Bye-Bull, along with Kirk Cameron and the rewriting of Darwin, and George W. Bush's rewriting of the US constitution, it's all going the whole way of Eric Arthur Blair's 'Some animals are more equal than others'.  

We used to chastize the Soviets for rewriting history, but I'm sure they weren't the only ones.  It seems to me that doing so is just another tool of every single dictatorship that has existed.

So, to invoke Godwin, what comparisons with the Nazis can be made with this new round of idiocy?  I figure that the more parallels we can draw with Nazis and the like, the more we can get that message out, more people will see this for what it is.

I'm hardly a fan of the Bye-Bull from any sort of religious POV.  As a hardcore atheist, I prefer to view it as a historical document, nothing more.  But I do dislike seeing history rewritten to suit someone's nasty ideology.

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by: RadarGrrl @ Mon Oct 05, 2009 at 19:06:37 PM CDT

What more needs to be said than...

We are at war with Samaria. We have always been at war with Samaria.

Plus ça change, plus c'est la même merde.

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by: TechBear @ Mon Oct 05, 2009 at 19:14:12 PM CDT

[ Parent ]

Doubleplusungood

We have always been at war with the Philistines.

The things that you're liable to read in the Bible,
They ain't necessarily so.
-- the Gospel according to Gershwin

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by: coram nobis @ Mon Oct 05, 2009 at 23:51:57 PM CDT

[ Parent ]

No, the Philistines are our allies in the war against Samaria

Samaritan infiltrators are the ones spreading the disinformation about our friends and allies. Start doublethinking doubleplusquick or it will be off to Miniluv and Room 101. Remember, Big Brother is watching you!

Plus ça change, plus c'est la même merde.

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by: TechBear @ Tue Oct 06, 2009 at 07:02:40 AM CDT

[ Parent ]

Can they wriggle out of this contradiction?

Religious conservatives believe:

1.  The Bible is the literal inerrant word of God.

2.  The Bible needs to be corrected.

Something isn't adding up.

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by: robtish @ Mon Oct 05, 2009 at 20:00:18 PM CDT

Something Isn't Adding Up

In their cartoon character world, nothing has to add up! LOL

These are the same people who claims:

1. There's no such thing as gay people

2. However, there ARE "ex-gays".  

These kooks CAN get something from nothing....on their planet.

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by: bluegrassfool @ Tue Oct 06, 2009 at 09:11:23 AM CDT

[ Parent ]

Speaking of new translations

Oh hi!

http://www.lolcatbible.com

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by: pluky @ Mon Oct 05, 2009 at 20:43:05 PM CDT

These aren't "NeoCons"

Sorry - they aren't NeoCons - this is a subspecies of the NeoCon called a TheoCon.

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by: MichelleS @ Mon Oct 05, 2009 at 21:54:21 PM CDT

I had a lot of fun on this subject last night at HuffPo

  http://www.huffingtonpost.com/...

my posts are BoyInBOYCOTT

"race, taste. and History finally overcome....and you ain't there"
by Tony Kushner

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by: peteyPornpig @ Tue Oct 06, 2009 at 13:13:34 PM CDT

Mark gospel is translated.....it's SCARY

   http://conservapedia.com/Gospe...

In one verse they translate it to have Jesus say..."SHUT UP"

Another sneaks the 2nd amendment in

a strong man's house becomes a WELL ARMED HOUSE.

some of the changes are just bizarre.

"race, taste. and History finally overcome....and you ain't there"
by Tony Kushner

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by: peteyPornpig @ Tue Oct 06, 2009 at 16:47:51 PM CDT

Read 14:46

"And the armed people grabbed Jesus and took him away."

Proving that gun owners killed Christ?

Plus ça change, plus c'est la même merde.

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by: TechBear @ Tue Oct 06, 2009 at 21:10:20 PM CDT

[ Parent ]

I know plenty of strong men...few are armed

"race, taste. and History finally overcome....and you ain't there"
by Tony Kushner

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by: peteyPornpig @ Tue Oct 06, 2009 at 21:20:21 PM CDT

[ Parent ]

Taking "bat sh-t crazy" to a whole new level: The Conservative Bible Project

I have said it many times that this piece of fiction, the bible, has been rewritten so many times that the original meaning was lost so many centuries ago and man has interjected their own meaning into it in-order-to fit their unique agenda and the type of discrimination that they want to perpetrate.  Now, the conservative right wingnuts are going to rewrite it again to fit their agenda.  This just gets better each time they add their foolish thoughts to anything.

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by: Karenc2002 @ Tue Oct 06, 2009 at 19:00:57 PM CDT

Kent the commentator on Rachel Maddow looked into this C-Street Bible

 Phyliss Schlafely's son is behind this CRUD...ya know the one tossed out of his CLOSET


"race, taste. and History finally overcome....and you ain't there"
by Tony Kushner

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by: peteyPornpig @ Tue Oct 06, 2009 at 21:03:23 PM CDT

Rachel's segment show's Schlafly's son

   http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/26...

ya know those very clever computer techs who can find stuff left at servers, and who can find old screen shots of gay.com profiles....one of those folks might track Schlafly's son...just saying

"race, taste. and History finally overcome....and you ain't there"
by Tony Kushner

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by: peteyPornpig @ Tue Oct 06, 2009 at 23:33:46 PM CDT

[ Parent ]

guess it wasn't that hard

    http://www.conservapedia.com/U...
and his My Space page
  http://www.myspace.com/shitont...

"race, taste. and History finally overcome....and you ain't there"
by Tony Kushner

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by: peteyPornpig @ Tue Oct 06, 2009 at 23:48:12 PM CDT

[ Parent ]

Hot Air ain't diggin' the Conserv-A-Bible neither

"More seriously, the insane hubris of this really staggers the mind. These right-wing ideologues know better than the early church councils that canonized Scripture? They really think it's wise to force the word of God to conform to a 21st-century American idea of what constitutes conservatism? These jokers don't worship God. They worship ideology."
~Dreher
.....................
"However, if one believes the Bible to be the Word of God written for His purposes, which I do, then the idea of recalibrating the language to suit partisan political purposes in this age is pretty offensive - just as offensive as they see the "liberal bias" in existing translations.  If they question the authenticity of the current translations, then the only legitimate process would be to work from the original sources and retranslate.  And not just retranslate with political biases in mind, but to retranslate using proper linguistic processes and correct terminology.
The challenge of Christian believers is to adhere to the Word of God, not to bend the Word of God to our preferred ideology.  Doing the former requires discipline and a clear understanding of the the Bible.  Doing the latter makes God subservient to an ideology, rather than the other way around."~Ed Morrissey
   http://hotair.com/archives/200...
Two updates they made to other blogs
Update: Tommy Christopher covers the controversy for Mediaite.  Be sure to read his roundup.
and
Update II: I sent this to The Anchoress, thinking that she'd have something incisive to add, and she doesn't disappoint:
  http://www.firstthings.com/blo...
  http://www.mediaite.com/online...

"race, taste. and History finally overcome....and you ain't there"
by Tony Kushner

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by: peteyPornpig @ Tue Oct 06, 2009 at 22:25:43 PM CDT

Phyliss Schlafely's son DELETED his link to this Conserv-A-Bible......HA!

posted on HuffPo here's the bad link Aschlafly
by a poster = breadloaf76
  http://urlseek20.vmn.net/searc...

  http://www.huffingtonpost.com/...

"race, taste. and History finally overcome....and you ain't there"
by Tony Kushner

---

by: peteyPornpig @ Tue Oct 06, 2009 at 23:02:47 PM CDT

Dan Gllgoff on US NEWS

here's a comment

"Can't Stop Them
Mr. Schlafly and his associates are just crying for more attention. I should know, I've been laughing at them for the last year. His website is slowly dying. They said at the beginning that they would overtake Wikipedia in 5 yrs, and now have just over 50 regular editors.

Oh, and in case you didn't know, Mr. Schlafly is a homeschool teacher in New Jersery. If you DO, go over to Conservapedia, check out some of his lessons and homework assignments. Those are the really scary bits."
by poster = Thanatos of Rationalwiki of XX
  http://www.usnews.com/blogs/go...

"race, taste. and History finally overcome....and you ain't there"
by Tony Kushner

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by: peteyPornpig @ Wed Oct 07, 2009 at 00:18:08 AM CDT

Salon took on this story too

by Alex Koppelman
  http://www.salon.com/politics/...

"race, taste. and History finally overcome....and you ain't there"
by Tony Kushner

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by: peteyPornpig @ Wed Oct 07, 2009 at 00:24:31 AM CDT