Our LGBT Youth Are Still Killing Themselves

This makes me physically ill to read.....

....in part because it is all just so sad, and in part because so much of it relates directly to my own life experinces, having been booted out of the home at 18 and spending a rather long period of time homeless and wishing for death when I was younger.

THIS is why homohobia is so wrong. THIS is the reason we need to keep fighting.

Every child deserves the chance to become a fully self-realized individual. Every child deserves LOVE. 

A society without religion is like a maniac without a chainsaw.

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by: Jen @ Sun Sep 23, 2007 at 17:59:54 PM CDT

Hope

"Is the next generation of LGBT youth worth the investment the time, energy, and cash of the older generations of LGBT people?  I hope so."

 When I was 15 I thought life wasn't worth it.

 "it" was finding out I was gay.

"it" was the silence I had to keep about all the feelings I had because I was afraid if I did I would be rejected by everyone around me from my best friends to my own twin sister.Indeed,it had happened to one of my cousins -who is a homeless now.

 "it"  was having to play a part and act like a hetero girl to maintain an illusion of a social life.Having to date boys I didn't care about to show that I was as "normal" as everyone else. 

 "it" was the real lonelyness that came along this silence and those lies.

"it" was also the way I felt when "dike " or "lesbian" were used as an insult by the people I loved.When the LGBT rights were seen as a threat to society by my catholic family.

"it" was thinking I would never wake up in the morning and see a person I would be in love with  and smile at this person like I saw it in movies,for the person I fell in love with were always of  the "wrong gender".

I didn't take enough medicine to die and denial helped me "survive".

But I kept the "goodbye letter " I had written .Just in hope that one day I would be able to read it without  crying .All this thanks to a fary tale ending where all the reasons that had made me want try to throw my life away would have disappeared.

Of course  many of them haven't.5 years later I'm still gay .I can't read the letter because I'm still not sure life is worth "it".

I can only hope so.

If you ,older LGBT people ,give up hoping ,what do we have left?

 

 

 

 

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by: sugarcane @ Sun Sep 23, 2007 at 18:24:56 PM CDT

NT

I attempted suicide when I was 15, almost 16.  I didn't learn until a few months ago how common that is for LGBT youth.

 

How old are you now, sugarcane? 

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by: Mumei @ Sun Sep 23, 2007 at 23:39:03 PM CDT

[ Parent ]

age

I'm 20 now.

But well ,when I was 15 I din't know it was common neither. 

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by: sugarcane @ Mon Sep 24, 2007 at 13:19:14 PM CDT

[ Parent ]

Its so incredibly sad

Adolescence and teenage years are hard enough as it is without added pressures and concerns. I can't imagine the non-acceptance these kids must feel and how heartbreaking it must be to drive them to feel they need to die.  If there was a God s/he wouldn't let these innocent children suffer in this way.  There is time enough in adult life to have the world get you down.  These kids should he happy and full of life and enjoying their youth not feeling such despair and fear.  

ALLY (ALLIE) (transitive) To connect or form a relation between by similitude, resemblance, friendship, or love.

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by: Vicster @ Sun Sep 23, 2007 at 18:25:55 PM CDT

Perhaps the older generation

is decieving itself. We see kids coming out at an earlier age, and think that things must be easier for them. I suppose that this trend makes it even worse for kids who are in bad family situations, and see freedom dangled in front of their noses by more fortunate kids.

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by: NancyP @ Sun Sep 23, 2007 at 19:21:06 PM CDT

Yeah, I can attest

Transgirl here, currently below drinking age. Due to issues with my fundamentalist parent, I won't go into any more detail than that, but I can say that I have attempted suicide before and even have suicidal feelings now.

It hurts a little to see "freedom dangled in front of [my] nose", sure. I can tell myself that I should be happy to know that other people are free and happy, but I'd be a damn liar if I didn't say it hurts to have to keep my silence like this.

What really hurts me, though, is another transgirl I know over the internet. She has rich lawyerly parents, and is the head of the College Republicans at her university. She's also interned for several congresscritters and lobbying groups. It really hurts when I hear her say things like "Oh, I try to ignore those people" when I mention something said by one of the hate radio or TV hosts my fundamentalist parent listens to, ignored me when I tried to tell her the story of me being gay bashed, or when she told me that "When you get to know them, [Republican leadership] isn't really that bad. Their private views are very different from their voting views or public views." Am I wrong for feeling hurt by the fact that I feel she's rich enough to ignore problems she helps contribute to?

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by: Kaline @ Mon Sep 24, 2007 at 01:34:35 AM CDT

[ Parent ]

Privilege theory

Those who enjoy privilege find it nearly impossible to conceive of what it's like for those who lack the same privilege. Which is why you hear so many white people saying racism isn't a problem. So many men saying sexism isn't a problem. So many Americans who remain clueless about how the rest of the world lives.

One of the main reasons given for fasting during Ramadan (perhaps the main reason) is the social consciousness it's supposed to inculcate in the well-fed who would otherwise remain clueless about the plight of the hungry. Just explaining it verbally won't get it across, they have to really feel it.

The blind spot of privilege looks to me like a serious design flaw in human cognition. By analogy with Ramadan, there ought to be some way for the wealthy and powerful to find out for themselves what underprivileged people actually go through every day. Another example is Black Like Me by John Howard Griffin in the 1960s when a white man voluntarily darkened his skin and went down South to experience racism firsthand. The book caused a sensation (this was during the Civil Rights movement). Malcolm X commented that Griffin went back to being white when his experiment was done--but can any white people conceive of what it would be like to live under racism permanently?

I'm afraid I don't know of any way to get understanding across to the rich Republican transgirl unless she had a chance to live for a while deprived of the privilege she enjoys. This is a serious problem for social justice, and I wish I knew of some answer. 

Here's what I find about compromise--
don't do it if it hurts inside,
'cause either way you're screwed,
eventually you'll find
you may as well feel good;
you may as well have some pride

--Indigo Girls

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by: Hypatia @ Mon Sep 24, 2007 at 06:23:21 AM CDT

[ Parent ]

Ask Oprah for her leopard fur coat

Maybe you can sell it to help your cause.

Make alot of noise. Life is short.

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by: Charley6 @ Mon Sep 24, 2007 at 09:35:57 AM CDT

[ Parent ]

Michael Jordan's Mercedes

convertibles should bring big bucks.  Puff Daddy's loot ect.  Get off white people's ass.

Make alot of noise. Life is short.

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by: Charley6 @ Mon Sep 24, 2007 at 09:40:39 AM CDT

[ Parent ]

Transgirl College Republican...

is still immature, and not yet out from the country-club Republican parental nest and parental worldview. And I suspect she hasn't travelled by herself by car in the flyover states. She WILL get bashed or threatened. Noone can live that sheltered a life - heck, any cisgendered woman over the age of 18 has been threatened by a creep or two. When she goes out on her own, she will find out that, unless she passes extraordinarily well, she is going to be relegated to the non-public jobs or not hired at all, in the current political climate (assuming she wants a job in politics, with the Republicans - she could do well as an analyst or pollster or other consultant).

 Nothing can substitute for life experience.

But something can be learned from hearing other people's life experiences. I suspect that she isn't listening to the internet buddies because the are disembodied, and her imagination just isn't strong enough. She Has No Clue what life is like in a small town, in a religious family, in a working class family where college is an unaffordable dream, in a black family.... In theory, the study of the liberal arts should enable people to grow empathy, as should living in a group setting such as a college dormitory - but - it doesn't always work that way. She needs to connect with older transfolk. Heck - she should really think about the kids in the documentary "Transgeneration", who were a diverse lot.

I have straight nephews, and they are hopelessly in the country-club Republican mode. They seem so immature to me (well I am easily old enough to be their parent). 

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by: NancyP @ Mon Sep 24, 2007 at 15:17:47 PM CDT

[ Parent ]

Well...

Your republican friend reminds me of a lesbian I've met.

She lives in Paris and study politics in a very selective school .She describes herself as a socialist,and always say that she is so because she cares about other people.

But when we spoke about demonstrating against the execution of gay teenagers in Iran,she answered they shoudn't have broken their country's law.

I guess she said this because she din't really care about anyone but herself.And it might have been too difficult for her to accept that only chance made her live in a progressive environment.

But I wondered if I would have acted the same if I was born from gay-friendly parents in Paris instead of a catholic family in the french carribean-where neighbourhood countries prohibit homosexual acts.I don't know.

What makes someone care for others (or not)?

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by: sugarcane @ Mon Sep 24, 2007 at 13:39:48 PM CDT

[ Parent ]

What makes me care

is that I lived through something similar to what you are going through now, and I know how it felt. It's called empathy. Feeling what someone else must feel. You friend in Paris is fortunate, but not very empathetic. As you said, she only seems to care for herself. Good for you for being more emlightened. And welcome to PHB. I hope you stick around.

A society without religion is like a maniac without a chainsaw.

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by: Jen @ Mon Sep 24, 2007 at 14:08:32 PM CDT

[ Parent ]

Just tell her that you are hurt

by the inference that it is ok for politicians to denigrate you and make it easy for people to beat up and discriminate against you, as long as those same politicians are good to their small circle of donors and donors' children. Tell her that you hear that she's not going to worry about her fellow transfolk since  she personally has the protection of money and connections.

If that doesn't work, tell her that her wealth isn't going to keep her from getting her head kicked in on her next vacation to Jamaica or other Caribbean nation. Tell her that rich kids just don't have street smarts, and aren't going to see it coming.

 If that doesn't work, tell her that she has some growing up to do. 

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by: NancyP @ Mon Sep 24, 2007 at 15:26:35 PM CDT

[ Parent ]

Talking K-12 is hard hitting

I occasionally am asked to talk about K-12 GLBT suicide to groups, college classes and am always ready to testify at any Colorado Legislative hearings. 
  I keep hoping that the attempts and successes are falling because more is known now then when I grew up in the 1950's. I think the key is that for T kids the attempts are high, but the successes are very high.  I try to get across that when T's go to kill themselves it isn't asking for help as so many non-LGBT attempts are.  It is to be successful.
  I've had people working in teen suicide prevention tell me the numbers we talk about are too high.  I tell them their numbers are too low.  They maybe experts working with the kids, but often don't get the full story.  We can read an obituary and pick out the clues so very well. 
  And, I never like having people who are not T telling me what it is like to be T. Especially about T suicide rates.

Pam,
J'aime ma Peau

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by: Blonde Pam @ Sun Sep 23, 2007 at 20:19:18 PM CDT

Political Footballs,

  As long as LGBT people remain political footballs, suicide rates among our youth will be high, TO DAMN HIGH, not to mention adults that face the facts of coming out or killing themselves, as not to hurt loved ones with the possible embarrasment of having an LGBT parent, sister, brother, etc.

  I believe the likes of Lebarbera, Dobson, and company, know this and don't give one bit about it, as they truly lack the compasion to be human beings.  I have heard them say, or have read that they feel humiliation is a tool of theirs for keeping those of us in line, as they believe we are abominations. And that is also key to suicide rates being too high.

  It is time to end this football game and save our youth for killing themselves and with load and proud voices!!!

If I make sense? it was quite by accident.

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by: HappyCat @ Sun Sep 23, 2007 at 21:11:41 PM CDT

Stop the tormenters...

The desperate situation of our GLBT youth has no quick fixes; for a long time there was little we could do but wish them luck and hope they made it.  But thousands didn’t: tormented and frantic for an end to the pain they killed themselves.  And tens of thousand’s more get tossed into the streets and become prey to drugs, alcohol, and prostitution. Every year 20-25 of us get lynched and 2000 or so get beaten.

The pervasive anti-GLBT bigotry endlessly preached in churches, mosques and temples is half of the problem, and the other half is the craven kowtowing of politicians of both parties to these bigots. The politicians spinelessly oppose full equality, samesex marriage, heavy fines and sentences for religious antigay fanatics who promote violence and a comprehensive ENDA that punishes discrimination severely.

The politicians are more than just cowardly and clueless, many are in fact bigots; examples are Bill Clinton’s enthusiastic signature on DOMA and Mitts Romney’s positioning himself as  ‘best bigot’. That and the deadly antigay propaganda engine of religious bigots create the atmosphere that emboldens thugs and the incompetent parents who torment our young.

At a minimum we should sue the pants off any religious bigot whose tormenting led to a suicide. Where and when we can we should prosecute deranged parents who throw them in the street. And we can mount campaigns demanding harsh sentences and fines for violence and discrimination.

 

The looter rich much prefer working with Democrats like Obama and the Clintons - they're greedier, they fool more people and they're able to get away with a lot more than Republicans.  

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by: donal1944 @ Sun Sep 23, 2007 at 21:27:52 PM CDT

These are hate crimes.

Not just the violent outbursts; the beatings and the murders. It's the constant toxic smog of low level dislike and rejection that grinds out of conservative homes and workplaces all over the world.

 

The parents that turn against you; the cold fathers hardening when you tell him what he's always feared. The admonitions not to act like a sissy. Children slapped for dressing up or dancing and singing. The breaking up of early, deep 'unhealthy' friendships. The cruel prayers and ignorant weeping. The automatic assuption that children are employed by their parents to be facsimiles; that you owe them your conformity; which they bought with your birth.

 

And the bullying in schools is tacitly but absolutely supported by people like Mr LaBarbera and his ilk. The school bullies are the prison guards of conservative life. Better that one kid should take her or his own life if ten kids are taught to stay closeted by his example.  

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by: steerpike66 @ Mon Sep 24, 2007 at 05:25:26 AM CDT

I want to do more

But if you take on mentoring individuals, then you are at risk from their parents anger.  I was asked by the Point Foundation to be in their mentoring program, but after hearing the horror stories of how some of the fundamental religious parents accuse you of converting their children and taking you to court,  In the bible belt they would win. I decided I couldn't get involved on a one to one basis  and still have a somewhat sane life.  I am sorry it is that way.

I give to glbt suicide hotlines because as a youth I was obsessed with suicide.  Glad I didn't.  At 73 now, looks like I will die naturally.

Make alot of noise. Life is short.

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by: Charley6 @ Mon Sep 24, 2007 at 07:36:17 AM CDT

Every generation is a link in a chain, worthy and needed.

LGBT/race/class issues are issues for everyone.  In denying the humanity of anyone, we lessen the humanity of everyone.  In attacking those who are different in some way, we condemn ourselves to an unthinking, intolerant banality.

LGBT youth bear the double trouble of adolescence, the need for social acceptance and a limited social network that comes with that age.  To be openly ostracized at that time of one's life would be almost unbearable to anyone and too unbearable for some.  It is a sad and disgraceful situation.

It touched my family when my 21 yo nephew, who was my double in looks, committed suicide, alone and isolated from the rest of the family.  I wish he had called, I wish a lot of things,  his ending haunts me still. 25 years later.

Today I am a follower of Jesus the Christ, despite the fundamentalist "Christians" who dominate the media.

In my reading of the Bible I see no passage where Jesus condemns anyone.  When he had the opportunity to condemn someone, he said that those who were without sin should cast the first stone.

Thank God, so to speak, that the Fundamentalist American "Christians" were not there, it might have started a stone throwing that would have taken the Christ too.

Fundamentalist Christians are in fact acting against the teachings of Christ and so are anti-christ.  In turn, LGBT youth are turned away from a source of souls relief in the Love of Christ for all people. 

The crap about "God hates fags.", makes me want to vomit.  These people crucify Jesus again every time they deny His love to anyone.

Jesus the Christ spoke of love;  "God is love.", " Love your neighbor", "love each other as I have loved you.".

It sounds trite and hackneyed but is true none the less.  Jesus loves you. 

Do not let the army of ignorant "Fundamentalist "Anti-Christ", turn you away from the love of God.  They do not have authority from anyone but Satan.

Love and peace,
Mike Mid City

 

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by: mike mid city @ Mon Sep 24, 2007 at 10:06:57 AM CDT

Trans-friendly congregations are growing in number

as are LGB-friendly congregations. And there are several good Internet resources out there for Christian LGBT,  and G, L, T specific. The gay friendly congregations may or may not know squat about transgender people, so I would say that an adult settled T ought to be the one to do the education process for the congregation. Word of mouth is probably the best way for a teen to locate a congregation where someone else has already paved the way. If they can't reach a congregation for worship, the priest/pastor might be able to speak with the teen without causing a huge parental uproar, since most lay folk are a little intimidated by the dogcollar and the "Rev." title. (the parents' pastors, on the other hand, are likely to have a hissy fit..)Metropolitan Community Churches www.ufmcc.org are likely to be the most experienced and have clergy well in tune to transgender issues. But some Episcopal and United Churches of Christ congregations/ pastors might be helpful too. All these are Christian specific comments, because that's what I know.

Jews: Reconstructionist and Reform denominations are supposed to have lgbt inclusion down pat. In practice, check the individual congregation. Conservative denom. is in a learning process, not necessarily hostile, just not there yet. Orthodox..... well, outside of New York City, you aren't likely to find a caucus of LGBT Orthodox.

 And I am really over my head when it comes to other spiritualities. There are gay Buddhists, Hindus, Wiccans, and even Muslims. Google is your friend for those.

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by: NancyP @ Mon Sep 24, 2007 at 14:55:44 PM CDT

[ Parent ]

Most depressed GLBT teens

Have tried the Jesus route.  You preach of a paradise after life sitting at the feet of Jesus, hence the cause of many suicides.  Life is too hard for them and they want to go to your paradise.

Make alot of noise. Life is short.

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by: Charley6 @ Mon Sep 24, 2007 at 10:14:52 AM CDT