The 'growing crisis of sexual addiction' among Christian women

Sex Addiction

Interesting, thanks Pam.

I attend Sexual Compulsives Anonymous (SCA) meetings and have noticed the following things -- and these are general observations:

1. Hardly any women attend the meetings.  When they do show up, it is very awkward for them because the room is full of men.  I always feel bad for the women newcomers.

2. Most of the gay men in SCA recovery deal with addiction to multiple partners and the things that go along with that: like safer sex practices, intimacy, dating, etc.

3. Most of the straight men who attend SCA meetings are married and deal, in general, with cheating on their spouses, and/or internet issues: porn, chatting online, etc. 

The thing I'm most grateful for is that it's a 12-Step program (like AA) and, therefore, pretty unjudgmental. If I had to deal with religious overtones, I would not come.

The last observation I wanted to make about sexual addiction is that there is a lot of shame admitting that you have this problem.  Because of the U.S.'s attitudes toward sex, it is hard to admit and then deal with the issue.  In the safety of the SCA rooms, we can discuss the EMOTIONS and attitudes that cause us to act out sexually -- because it's usually those things that make us addicted to sex, not just that it "feels good". 

Anyway ... I thought I'd share that!

Thanks!

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by: matt-dc @ Wed Oct 17, 2007 at 10:29:51 AM CDT

another option for women?

On lists at clubhouses, I've noticed closed, women-only SLAA (Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous) meetings. If I were struggling with those issues, I think I'd be much more likely to try out a closed women's meeting than a coed one. Hopefully the women who need it are getting help in rooms that are more comfortable for them.

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by: one jewish dyke @ Wed Oct 17, 2007 at 11:32:36 AM CDT

[ Parent ]

But what is the definition of 'sexual addiction' to Christians?

These people are so uptight about Teh Seks to begin with that one wonders if anything other than missionary, once a week, is considered an "addiction" to them.

As to one-third of women accessing Internet porn -- well, how often? And what kind of sites are we talking about? There's a heck of a big different between goatse and Playgirl.

I'm not trying to make fun of sex or porn addiction; I'm suggesting that the radically different paradigm extant in Xtian fundie cults might somewhat skew the meaning of the terms and the statistics.

Now if a secular psychological study were to find similar results, of course, I'd have no basis for argument.

Blogwhoring @ http://indigestible.nightwares.com/

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by: Warren @ Wed Oct 17, 2007 at 11:14:18 AM CDT

Oh, them...

Feh, Dobby's had them on his show, and they're such "Well, we're practically doctors cuz we've lived it...well, Steve did so, well, really it was more of a laundry issue for me, but whatever, we're pros even though we have no actual qualifications but we pray together on the half hour of every hour of every day and I put out a lot more than I used to so listen up folks, we have the answer!"

Such bourgie wads. Really, they are. I'm positive that Steve's has secreted those socks somewhere else and quite suprisingly helps out with washing clothes. What a help around the house he is! 

Curses! My million dollar ideas foiled again: "God Bless Your Brand!" http://www.christvertising.com/

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by: TJ McFisty @ Wed Oct 17, 2007 at 12:51:34 PM CDT

Gurl's gotta eat!

Man if it's not an "ex gay" going into a "ministry" to change gays to straight (aka make $$$ money since they can't get a real job), now we have a sex addict female selling a book.

 

aka to make $$$ money.

 

 Gee whiz Louise!

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by: Juan @ Wed Oct 17, 2007 at 13:29:00 PM CDT

I have to go along with Warren

   I can't argue with Warren. We are constantly faced with many fundies lack of perspective and proportion when it comes to sex, what it means and who is worthy of their own destiny with it.

   Considering they can't see the difference between a murderer and a homosexual pretty much tells you right there what I mean. In fact, they are all over the map in defining homosexuality. For example, when I cornered members of Focus on the Family on their complaint regarding homosexuality and the DSM, I asked them why if it's a mental disorder, can a gay person be held to a moral decision regarding it? If it's a moral decision and choice, then it's not appropriate to have it addressed and treated like an addiction.  Contraception is a sin and the concept of protecting oneself from disease or child bearing doesn't register with them as life affirming and a matter of self determination and freedom.And there is a serious and damaging gender bias when it comes to that subject too.

    Alabama still bans sex toys and their sale. Well, why? That's the safest sex of all. You'd think it would be supported and encouraged as an alternative to promiscuity.  Well, as we always have noted, there is far too much obsessing on the nethers, instead ofthe hearts and minds of the people attached to them.

    And their definitions of what sin and addiction and all that is, is too schizophrenic and irrational for them to be making judgements (let alone diagnosis)  in the first place.

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by: Regan DuCasse @ Wed Oct 17, 2007 at 15:16:57 PM CDT

Hmmm...

According to Nielsen NetRatings, nearly one-third of the visitors to adult websites are female. Today's Christian Woman reported that 34 percent of their online newsletter readers admitted to intentionally accessing Internet porn.

Ergo, christianettes are slightly over-represented in sex site viewership?

Maybe so, but the whole emphasis on "sex-addicted women" brings up two mutually-compatible hypotheses:

1) Men who practice prolonged ritual christianism thereby diminish their virility to the point where their wives become chronically dissatisfied;

2) The image of lusty desperate housewives is being flaunted to bring more (hetero) men into the pews.

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by: Pierce R. Butler @ Wed Oct 17, 2007 at 16:12:02 PM CDT

"Sex addiction" = healthy sex drive

I have to agree with Amanda's comment to your cross-post at Pandagon.  The women being characterized as "sex addicts" are women who just happen to have a healthy interest in sex.

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by: Donna Queen @ Wed Oct 17, 2007 at 17:42:48 PM CDT

I call shennaigans

I can't find the quoted passage in any of the linked articles so maybe there is context I'm not seeing, but there's something really fishy about the statistics in the article

According to Nielsen NetRatings, nearly one-third of the visitors to adult websites are female. Today's Christian Woman reported that 34 percent of their online newsletter readers admitted to intentionally accessing Internet porn. Women are also twice as likely as men to visit online chat rooms, according to Internet Filter Review.

Nowhere in this list of statistics does it talk about a "growing epidemic of sexual addiction among women." The article tries to leave that implication, by quoting these statistics. But what percentage of that 34% of women are actually addicted to internet porn? Probably very few.

Note that the quote puts that scary "women twice as likely to visit chat rooms" statistic up. Also note that it doesn't say that they're visiting chat rooms for sexual purposes. The scary Internet thing is just assumed to be such a den of iniquity that the possibility of  non-sexual chatrooms isn't even contemplated.

A few months ago, another Christian ministry released a so-called study saying that 50% of all Christian men and 20% of all Christian women were addicted to internet porn. I blogged about it myself. It's absolute crap. There's no way it's even close to true. I suspect these places just define viewing Internet porn as an addiction.

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by: Narc @ Wed Oct 17, 2007 at 23:26:46 PM CDT

Freakier than you'd think

You're right that those numbers are overblown, and consist mostly of people with a healthy sex drive.

That being said, don't make the assumption that fundie christians are any less kinky than your average Joe/Jane.  If it's our formative years that are responsible for our kinks later on in life, fundy christianity (a cult I was a member of for 20 years) can be expected to produce a "pervert" about 75% of the time.

Consider that their God commands them to have sex, but then lays out a slew of ways in which you are NOT to have sex (no gay, no relatives, no animals, no grabbing/twisting his junk, must be married).  The assumption is made that whatever isn't forbidden is commanded, and this gives the fundy perv a sense of entitlement that your average perv just doesn't have. 

I heard standard complaints among guys that their wives wouldn't wear costumes, roleplay, etc.  There was one particular guy who complained that his wife wouldn't let him watch her pee, and it was generally agreed amongst his peers that, as her husband, he had a divine right to be in audience (even if it wasn't their bag).  Where a normal person would seek out a partner who shares their sexual preference, fundie men make the assumption that their partner will have to adapt.  Some women demand counseling over the subject, and many find the counselors backing up their husband's claim to sexual dominance (it's been the case for the three couples whose counseling I was privvy to, although in one case the husband was also counseled to also respect his wives request that he rough her up a bit while they're going at it).

Gay fundies keep their sex-lives pretty secret, and fill the conversational void with an extra helping of The Spirit.  You can pretty much make the assumption that the more prominent and committed a person presents themselves to be in that community, the more likely it is that they're a closet homosexual (which is a pretty self-hating state of affairs).

They're a very confused lot.  Think Hitler Youth.

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by: SonOfLiberty @ Thu Oct 18, 2007 at 11:48:14 AM CDT

[ Parent ]

guilt

If you follow Pam's link on masturbation, here's the circular reasoning Steve & Kathy offer:

•    Sexuality was not created for personal enjoyment but as a way to express love to one’s mate.
•    Masturbation is self-centered behavior.
•    Jesus expressly calls His followers to deny themselves.
•    Masturbation is driven by lust and fantasy.
•    Masturbation causes a person to isolate from others.
•    Masturbation is controlling.
•    Masturbation causes feelings of guilt and shame—clear signs of its wrongness.
•    Masturbation opens the door to other sexual sin.

If masturbation causes feelings of guilt and shame, maybe it's because logic like this is supposed to make us feel that way! They can't seem to separate God's perspective from social perspectives.

And there's a long history of this in Christianity. I'm a history professor teaching everything from Ancient Greece to the 17th century in the Mediterranean, so I do a lot of reading on early Christianity. How can we help people move toward healthier sexual attitudes and behaviors? My only solution so far is to teach the history of this subject, and to ally with our campus GLBT group. Please give me ideas, people--I'm new to this site and I want to make a difference.

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by: debg @ Thu Oct 18, 2007 at 12:15:53 PM CDT

That's self-contradicting.

How can they square the two distinct claims in that list?  That (1)Masturbation causes a person to isolate from others. and (2)Masturbation opens the door to other sexual sin.

Apparantly I'm not doing it right, because my masturbation has not led me to other sexual sins.  In fact, I've never met anyone by masturbating.  Are there other sexual acts besides masturbation that I can perform while isolated from others?

 The only way I can possibly imagine that these two claims are both true is if someone were perverted enough to masturbate in public(which I guess some of them do, but that sounds like a different problem...)

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by: scottmill @ Thu Oct 18, 2007 at 14:39:08 PM CDT

[ Parent ]