(Click to enlarge.)
The (clarified) platform of Barack Hussein Obama
The Voice
by Bobby May, bobbyleemay@yahoo.com
In response to criticism that I favor John McCain for president and only present "one side of the issues," I am listing for your consideration the platform of Barack Hussein Obama as best as I can figure it out after venting all of the hot air, straining out the honey and removing the smelly substance similar to what the old bull left behind.
I think I've did (sic) a pretty good job of boiling his positions down to their very essence for the sake of clarity.
HIGH GAS PRICES: Inflate your tires.
OBAMA'S LACK OF EXPERIENCE: Inflate his ego.
ILLEGAL IMMIGRATION: Learn to speak Spanish.
TERRORIST THREAT TO AMERICA: Learn to speak Arabic.
IRAQ: Establish time table to turn tail and run.
HEALTH CARE FUNDING CRISIS: Don't get sick. And raise taxes.
ENERGY SOLUTIONS: NO coal mining. NO oil drilling. NO nuclear power. Use solar panels and wind turbines to power cell phones and iPods; walk everywhere you go, buy a bike if you have any money left after huge Obama tax increases implemented.
NATURAL DISASTERS: Raise taxes.
JOB CREATION: Raise taxes.
REPARATIONS TO BLACK COMMUNITY: Opposes before Election Day and supports after Election Day.
FREEDOM OF RELIGION: Mandatory Black Liberation Theology courses taught in all churches--raise taxes to pay for this mandate. Put Rev. Jeremiah Wright in charge. Condemnation of homosexuality from the pulpit will become a Class 1 Felony.
HOMOSEXUAL MARRIAGE: Raise taxes. And coddle sexual perverts. Give tax breaks for NAMBLA membership fees.
SOCIAL SECURITY: Raise texes.
PEBLIC EDUCATION: Raise taxes.
NATURAL RESOURCES: Raise taxes.
DRUG CRISIS: Raise taxes to pay for free drugs for Obama's inner-city political base.
SPACE EXPLORATION: Raise taxes to send all Republicans to Mars.
ABORTION: Anywhere, anytime, for anyone for any reason up to 9 months and send taxpayers the bill. Encourage partial birth abortion.
ECONOMIC DEVELOPMENT: Keep buying foreign oil and sending billions to Muslim countries that hate us and want to destroy us.
TAXES: Soak the rich; everyone is hereby declared 'rich' for taxing purposes.
2ND AMENDMENT: Under Obama will only apply to gang-bangers, illegal aliens, Islamo-Fascist terrorists, and Senator Jim Webb's aide.
REST OF U.S. CONSTITUTION: Appoint George Soros to update it for 21st Century, adding Socialist/Communist "grand ideas" and deleting First and Fourteenth Amendments upon advice of Buchanan County Democratic Party.
FOREIGN RELATIONS: Appoint Rev. Al Sharpton as Secretary of State, Jesse Jackson as UN Representative and let Bill Clinton handle all other "foreign relations" ... as long as Hillary doesn't find out! And raise taxes.
THE WHITE HOUSE: Hire rapper Ludacris to "paint it black." Taxes to be increased to buy enough paint to do the job plus spray-paint for graffiti.
THIRD WORLD COUNTRIES: Raise taxes to send $845 billion, send most to Africa so the Obama family there can skim off enough to allow them to free their goats and live the American Dream.
POLITICAL CORRUPTION: Yes. (Must in future be based upon the Chicago model; no other restrictions will apply as long as Mayor Daley's machine gets a percentage.) And raise taxes.
NATIONAL ANTHEM: Change to the "Black National Anthem" by James Weldon Johnson. And raise taxes.
VOTING RIGHTS: Extended franchise to the French, English and especially the Germans due to their level of political sophistication and admiration of "The New Messiah."
STATEHOOD: Extend statehood to The District of Columbia, Puerto Rico, Kenya, Cuba, Palestine, Freedonia, Bugtussle and "The Free State of McDowell." Then raise taxes.
U.S. CURRENCY: Update photos to reflect U.S. diversity; include pictures of "great Americans" such as Oprah Winfrey, Ludacris, Sheila Jackson-Lee, Paris Hilton, Britney Spears and Louisiana Congressman William Jefferson (Obama's new Secretary of the Treasury--50 Cent refused position after learning that he would lose his crazy check if he accepted the nomination). And raise taxes.
U.S. FLAG: Replace 50 stars with a star and crescent logo; red stripes changed to green to represent Obama's tree-hugging radical environmentalism and his lack of experience. Flag label (sic) pins, having become a substitute for "real patriotism" will henceforth be banned. And raise taxes.
U.S. MILITARY: Confiscate all weapons, substitute water pistols, pea shooters, and bows with suction cup arrows. Replace U.S. flag on uniforms with peace symbols changing uniform color grom green to pink and abolishing the "Don't ask, don't tell" policy, replacing it with "A queer in every foxhole and a camouflage sex toy in every backpack" requirement. Condoms will be issued instead of bullets and brotherly love encouraged. Barney Frank will be the new Secretary of Defence (renamed Secretary of Peace and Love) and Rosie O'Donnell, Ellen DeGeneres, Lindsay Lohan and Rick Boucher will be made 5-star generals. And raise taxes.
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If Barack Obama a/k/a "The Great One" or "The New Messiah" takes issue with any of the above then I dare him to meet me on County Talk next Friday to debate his plans to divide and conquer America and change Liberty and Freedom to Socialism and Communism.
I'm so tired of these juvenile denials of racism when it's as blatant as this (notice he has no problem being a homophobe). Exactly what, in this man's book, would qualify as racism? Burning a cross? Tying a man to the back of a truck and driving until his body parts come off? Calling a women's basketball team "nappy headed hos"? You have to wonder.
The word "racist" has become so toxic that no one, including Mr. May, wants to claim ownership of it. I say take back that word Mr. May, own it, love it and embrace that label, that inner bigot and tell the world why you are right to call yourself a racist. Make the case. This is a landmark election so let's just separate the wheat from the chaff.
And while we're at it with race-baiting and homo hate, let's through in an oldie but goodie -- John McCain's brother deemed progressive Northern Virginia "communist country." And irony abounds...
