Meet our Families Day.

Yes, yes and yes!

"Meet our Families Day" would be the perfect response to the FUD coming from families like the Wirthlins (of Yes on 8 campaign ad fame).

Before the next anti-gay ballot initiative comes along, we must begin preparing to run against our opponents on the basis of our shared values. That means putting LGBT families on the air to deliver the message directly to voters: we're different people, but we view the world (and our families) no differently than you do. We strive to make a positive difference in the lives of our family members so that they might one day go on to contribute as much to our world as they've already contributed to our family's happiness.

Lakoff:

Richard Wirthlin, chief strategist for former president Ronald Reagan, made a discovery in 1980 that profoundly changed American politics. As a pollster, he was taught that people vote for candidates on the basis of the candidates' positions on issues. But his initial polls for Reagan revealed something fascinating: Voters who didn't agree with Reagan on the issues still wanted to vote for him.

Mystified, Wirthlin studied the matter further. He discovered just what made people want to vote for Reagan. Reagan talked about values rather than issues. Communicating values mattered more than specific policy positions. Reagan connected with people; he communicated well. Reagan also appeared authentic -- he seemed to believe what he said. And because he talked about his values, connected with people and appeared authentic, they felt they could trust him. For these four reasons -- values, connection, authenticity and trust -- voters identified with Reagan; they felt he was one of them. It was not because all of his values matched theirs exactly. It was not because he was from their socioeconomic class or subculture. It was because they believed in the integrity of his connection with them as well as the connection between his worldview and his actions.

Whatever we may think of Reagan, this has been a winning formula for conservatives for the past quarter century. Progressives need to learn from it. Politics is about values; it is about communication; it is about voters trusting a candidate to do what is right; it is about believing in, and identifying with, a candidate's worldview. And it is about symbolism. Issues are secondary -- not irrelevant or unimportant, but secondary. A position on issues should follow from one's values, and the choice of issues and policies should symbolize those values.

One misunderstanding, common among progressive circles, is that the Reagan and George W. Bush elections were about "personality" rather than anything substantive. Nothing is more substantive than a candidate's moral worldview -- and whether he or she authentically abides by it.

I'll keep railing against the folks (like the Wirthlins) who - for their own political gain - conspired to eliminate 18,000+ California marriages, but pulling back the curtain on these operators is no substitute for our side embracing the light and making a substantive (rather than merely reactive) case.

twitter.com/ChinoBlanco | youtube.com/ChinoBlanco

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by: Chino Blanco @ Sat Nov 29, 2008 at 09:12:07 AM CST

Absolutely

This would be a great idea to propose at Join The Impact.  A weekend of open houses for our neighborhoods to meet us and our families and friends.  Put your wedding album on the coffee table and serve up the refreshments!

Yes we can!

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by: bluegirlbb @ Sat Nov 29, 2008 at 10:04:18 AM CST

yes!

I think that's a fantastic idea.  But what I really want to say is:  I. LOVE. That. Girl's. Sign.

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by: defenestrated @ Sat Nov 29, 2008 at 11:54:29 AM CST

Let's take this idea even further.

You're right.  The bigots need to meet same-sex couples and families up close and personal.

But where to find those bigots, and the places they congregate, so that we as ambassadors of the LGBT community can meet them?

Well, here's another use for the Prop 8 donor databases!

Search the database by zipcode.

Then, google the names if the YES donors to try to find if they are members of social or professional groups...

...And try to attend those groups' meetings as a guest.

As demographers and marketers like to say, "Birds of a feather flock together."  The group you attend will probably have another few homophobes in it.

Get to know the members as people.  They will probably get to know you as 'ordinary', too.

But at some point you need to make the group aware that you are one of 'them' (LGBT).

The best would be an event where you can introduce your spouse (if you got married in time) and family (if you have children), but that may not be possible or advisable, given the group.

You'll have to pay it by ear, and not unnecessarily risk your safety.  Some homophobes are doomsday machines who will obsessively target and attack you once you are so identified.

But this is the group that ultimately needs to be reached, and shown by example that we don't fit their stereotypes.

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by: Hazumu @ Sat Nov 29, 2008 at 12:20:39 PM CST

Sounds excellent, and a thornier follow-up

One of the things that Harvey Milk espoused was showing our faces, not letting straight liberal allies do our talking for us. It's easy to hate and vote against someone you've never had a conversation with. I agree - the more people realize that they're hurting real families, not just shadowy anonymous strangers, they're more likely to stand with us. Or at least get out of the way.

Just a thought in reaction to your description of the neighbor's parents and the "icky sex garbage": what the heck is straight people's issue with how gay people have sex? I mean, seriously, WTF? Not only do we need a "Meet Our Families" campaign, we need a "Get Over the Ick Factor" effort. A lot of opposition to us comes from that knee-jerk "icky gay sex" factor. Sometimes that's not even religious, it's just plain old misogyny and cultural conditioning about what sex acts are acceptable and what aren't. That's another societal issue we need to tackle at a personal level.

Example: I had a discussion in the ladies' locker room with a friend who was regaling me with the tale of how she let her boyfriend perform anal on her for the first time. Rather than get squeamish and tell her to stop talking, I let her finish, and then asked, "So it wasn't so bad then." "No, it was okay." "You'd do it again?" "Sure, why not?" "You know, a lot of gay men do the same thing you just did last night." "EWWWWWW!!" "Wait a sec...you just spent ten minutes telling me all about your boyfriend and anal and how great it was, and now you're saying EW when talking about THE EXACT SAME THING?" deer in the headlights stare "You do realize that we're talking about the exact same sex act, right? And you thought it was great. So why the EW?" "But...but...it's two MEN!" "So what? We're talking about two people engaging in the same sex act. Why is one great and the other gross?" "But...but..." I could almost see smoke coming out of her ears as she tried to process this "No excuses, you just said that a sex act was okay. Why the double standard?" "...I never thought of it like that."

When in discussion with someone willing to talk about sex, point out that sex acts between two people are many and varied no matter the gender of the people involved, and in the end, it's no one's business but the consenting adults involved, so get over the Ick Factor, already.

God save ornery old queens! - kevinchi

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by: Keori @ Sat Nov 29, 2008 at 13:04:48 PM CST

What gym do you use?

That was one interesting conversation, all I'm saying.

But wait, there's more!

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by: PhoenixRising @ Sun Nov 30, 2008 at 11:58:34 AM CST

[ Parent ]

Go for it!

 Great idea!
Is that you and your daughter, Happycat?

Beautiful. Just beautiful!

Who WOULDN'T want to know you?!

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by: Regan DuCasse @ Sat Nov 29, 2008 at 14:06:04 PM CST

Yeppers, that is me and my youngest daughter.

  Thank you for the compliment.  

 HUGGS

If I make sense? it was quite by accident.

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by: HappyCat @ Sat Nov 29, 2008 at 23:27:37 PM CST

[ Parent ]

Brilliant idea

Brilliant idea.

Unfortunately, hearing incidents like this makes me sad. I mean, shouldn't any human adult with average intelligence be able to make this decision without having to actually meet a same-sex couple? I don't need to actually meet a biracial couple to know to vote against banning interracial marriage.

The sad truth is that our species is not as clever as we like to think we are.

Sorry for the rant, but once again, cool idea.

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by: tvs @ Sat Nov 29, 2008 at 15:39:44 PM CST

Great idea

I actually had a neighbor, who has been my neighbor (three doors down) for almost ten years come to my door with cookies and YesOn8 bumper stickers.  We're not  the Radleys, we do emerge from our home with great frequency and yet he had no clue -- boy did he get an earful.  Recently our church was contacted by a college student wishing to meet and interview a same-sex headed family for a research project, I gladly volunteered us.  

I love the idea and agree that it would be a great addition to the visibility efforts of Join The Impact, I'll forward it to them.  I've critiqued one of their ideas and was delighted to get a thoughtful response.  I don't have to be right all the time, but it is a nice change to know that somebody is actually listening.

I hope you can somehow keep this post visible, I'd love to hear more people chime in with their suggestions and ideas and see the thought developed a little more.  

Thanks for giving me something new to obsess over.  

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by: jenrink @ Sat Nov 29, 2008 at 16:01:06 PM CST

Use the donor database to find YES donors in your area to visit!

That database can be searched by state, city and zipcode.

It's a great source of leads!

Find someone who donated $500 to Yes on H8 and invite them to a dinner with your family.  

Or, show up on their doorstep ala Mormon Missionary (complete with a gift of freshly-baked brownies still warm from the oven) and ask if they'd mind talking with you about a matter that's important to the community you both live in.

Be prepared to rationally discuss all the bad stuff, like the styrofoam-cross-lady incident and the burning of the book of mormon on the front stoop of a stakehouse (I suggest countering with an act of irrational violence against the LGBT community.)

The important thing is to approach them and attempt to talk rationally, one-on-one, with as many gay-marriage-opponents as will listen and talk with us.

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by: Hazumu @ Sat Nov 29, 2008 at 16:20:59 PM CST

Yes yes yes yes yes

This strikes me as an excellent idea -- regarding the people who voted yes on 8 not as our enemies, but as potential allies who just haven't gotten to know us yet.

The question is, HOW do we introduce ourselves to those people who need to meet us? How do you start the conversation, without coming off as a door-to-door salesman for The Gay?

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by: mattymatt @ Sat Nov 29, 2008 at 16:42:36 PM CST

You talk about everyday things

You give points of reference to normalcy. You talk about the same things straight people talk about. You talk about how you and your husband went to the movies, or how the holidays will be tight this year since your wife's company had to cut back her hours. You wonder aloud if your health care premiums will go up, and what might happen if you partner gets laid off. Will you be able to afford health care? You talk about your family, and make sure the other person knows that "family" is a same-gendered or transgendered partner.

Just be yourself. Be a real, live, flesh-and-blood human being instead of a scary anonymous monster. Come out, come out, wherever you are.

God save ornery old queens! - kevinchi

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by: Keori @ Sat Nov 29, 2008 at 17:34:30 PM CST

[ Parent ]

Any and all FAMILY community events.....

Any and all holiday events, walks, vigils that any of you are inclined to attend. 

It is a very good idea to have prepared the 'quick' list of high profile family law problems facing SS couples and families.

If you have children. go to all events as a family...take grandma by all means if possible. Also aunts, uncles, cousins... go to their games, events too.

I do so hope more can/will COME OUT and be PROUD...after seeing MILK, and participating in JOIN THE IMPACT and living through the negative shock of November 4 th.

Let STONEWALL 2.0 be about no more apologies, no more hiding, ho backing down from EQUAL Civil Rights for all. 

It's the Hammer of JUSTICE,
It's the Bell of FREEDOM,
It's the Song about LOVE between,
my Brothers and my Sisters
...All over this Land.

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by: Orion45 @ Sat Nov 29, 2008 at 17:44:58 PM CST

FYI, I liked this idea so much, I've gone ahead and registered a couple of domains ...

www.meetourfamilies.com and www.meetourfamilies.org

If anyone's interested in building a national online registry/directory of LGBT families w/ their stories/pics, it might be something that'd enable straight folks to "meet" more same-sex couples than they might otherwise.

And if anyone is interested, I'd be glad to cover the cost of hosting the project (that's about all I can do, since I'm no design guru), and I'm not looking to keep the domains if someone would like to step up and make use of them.  

Anyway, just a thought.    

 

twitter.com/ChinoBlanco | youtube.com/ChinoBlanco

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by: Chino Blanco @ Sun Nov 30, 2008 at 03:53:52 AM CST