Why Do I Do What I Do?

by: Autumn Sandeen

Sun Jun 28, 2009 at 07:00:00 AM EDT

In her guest diary below, she describes her path to becoming a transgender youth advocate, and why she sees herself as belonging to the broader lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) community.

She also, from a diversity perspective, explains why she believes we those of us who are connected to the LGBT community should see ourselves as belonging to one broad, LGBT community. I believe this piece conveys a most wonderful message of hope.
~~Autumn~~

Why Do I Do What I Do?

By Kim Pearson

I have never really written a 'note' to share personal thoughts with 'the public' before, but then I have never experienced 'the public' sharing their personal thoughts with me in such a personal way before either.

I am referring to the responses I am getting from my recently published article in 'Diversity Rules.' I don't know what it is that I said or how I may have said things differently than so many other times, but the response is clearly different.

This is a portion of what the mother of a transgender child said to her husband while reading the article which she then shared with me:

"How could she have done such a marvelous job in this interview, shedding such insight into the lives of a transgender child when she isn't one?!  I'm so, so, so impressed with her work."  And "How is she going to know how profoundly moved I am..."

Another note I received simply stated:

"You are inspiring"

The one that caused me to cry the most was the one from a gay man who saw glimpses of himself and his life in the article:

"I saw myself in many of your answers...I didn't realize it then, but I knew as a child I was different, felt different, but couldn't give that difference a name...because I had an attraction to men. An attraction that I had to forever keep locked up deep inside of me. It was a very confusing time riddled with guilt and shame, because if I had an attraction to men, and that was sinful I had been told. But such an attraction meant then I must be female, because only women are attracted to men, but here I was in a little boy's body."

So back to the title of this note, "Why I do, What I do?"  When I was asked this question earlier this week I responded: "Because I have a transgender child."

I now realize that there has been a fundamental shift within me and that my child and those like him are no longer the sole focus of the work I'm doing. The work and I have evolved.

I have always known GLBT folks and had friends in the community. I must admit that not until my child brought me in as a member of this community did I fully understand its diversity. What I have also came to understand is that much of the community seems to be at odds with others in the community. Many times I experience a sense of the LGB feeling separate and very different from the T which honestly puzzles me. When I hear the stories from the LGB of their childhood experiences, many of them are interchangeable with the childhood experiences of the T. The stories revolve around words like different, ashamed, sad, guilty, lonely, isolated, ridiculed, and bullied...the list is endless really. The point is, if you feel that any or all of those words apply to your childhood experience then you have firsthand knowledge of what it is to be transgender. That is the bond that the LGB has with the T, shared experience.

So my answer today to "Why I do What I do?" is simply this:

To create understanding, to build bridges, to shine light on the fact that we, the inhabitants of this planet and this community, are much more alike than we are different.

E.E. Cummings:

It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.

Kim Pearson:

Summon your courage and surround yourself with courageous allies and walk with your head held high. We are all amazing...let the light of who you are shine brightly for all to see and from that, compassion and understanding will grow.

On Transitioning Transgender Youth

by: Autumn Sandeen

Sun May 31, 2009 at 03:00:00 AM EDT

Transgender Youth
May 28th, 2009 by equalityarizonaradio

Listen up as Emmy Award winning host Donna Rossi talks with Kim Pearson of Trans Youth Family Allies (TYFA) about their work in advocating for the rights and welfare of transgender youth.

A quote from Kim Pearson, the president of TYFA, on transitioning 5-year-olds (from about halfway through the audio piece):

The biggest concern people have -- and even some of the "experts" ... -- but the experts will say that there are risks involved in letting a child that young transition. And, my answer to that is that there are equal risks involved in not letting a child that young transition.

I've always raised my kids under the guideline of "What's the worst case scenario? What's the worst thing that could happen?" The worst thing that could happen with transitioning a 5-year-old -- a miserable, suicidal 5-year-old -- transitioning them, and the question is "What if they change their minds?"

And my answer is "What if they do?"

You haven't really changed anything except their hairstyle and their clothes and the name that you call them and the pronouns. So, if they change their mind, you change it back. It'll be uncomfortable; it'll be embarrassing -- but you know what? That's more about you -- the parent -- than about the child. And, what have you done for that child except send tell them -- you've sent a very strong message -- I love you NO MATTER WHAT.

So, you've kept their self esteem intact.

Regarding A Recent Atlantic Monthly Story On TransYouth...

by: Autumn Sandeen

Sat Oct 18, 2008 at 21:00:00 PM EDT

[Hanna Rosin] focused on the most vulnerable family she could have focused on, creating the illusion that this family was representative of all of the families -- and that's just not true. We trusted her, and we felt betrayed.

Kim also told me that Rosin has made it at least twice as hard as before for TYFA to connect families of transyouth to members of the mainstream media (MSM). TYFA's goal in connecting families of transyouth to MSM reporters is so that readers will be educated about transyouth, and in this case with the Atlantic reporter misrepresented what kind of article she was going to write. Instead of educating people about transyouth, Kim and most of her TYFA parents felt betrayed; they felt the Rosin not only didn't paint an accurate picture of TYFA families, but that Rosin exploited a vulnerable family and a transyouth.

And now, a few months after the family talked to this reporter, the child profiled in the story is living full time as a girl and is doing very well at both home and at school. So, it was especially frustrating to Kim that the article gives a wrong impression how the child is actually doing; the child in question's full time public expression of her affirmed, female gender actually resolved the conflict the child was feeling about being a girl. The impression Rosin left was that the child was presenting as gender confused, and that's just not the case -- The child has known who she is, and is comfortable about being a girl; it was the rest of her world not allowing her to affirm her gender which was previously this youth's challenge.

I see the reasons for making these transyouth and their families available to the MSM, but I really appreciate TYFA's dilemma of making transyouth and their families for articles that later turn out to seem exploitive. How many times does TYFA make transyouth and their families available to reporters when so many reporters apparently want to exploit the transyouth? I don't know. Not every reporter does as well as Barbara Walters did with the story of transyouth, that's for sure.

TYFA Changes It's Name, And Updates Its Mission And Vision

by: Autumn Sandeen

Tue Feb 26, 2008 at 22:00:00 PM EST

So to begin, in recent months I started working with TransYouth Family Advocates (TYFA) -- now TransYouth Family Allies. The reasons are pretty simple: with regards to transgender youth, the organization has been filling a void that no other LGBT organization has been filling. They've been helping the parents of children that may or may not be transgender find psychological help; they've been talking to school districts about their policies towards transgender youth; and, they've been talking to the press about the issues surrounding transgender youth as required.

Basically, TYFA is working to take care of the next generation of transgender youth.

So, let's back up a few decades. I've read the average coming out age of gay males back in the early seventies was between approximately seventeen and twenty-one years of age (pg. 241). The last report I read states that that the average coming out age for LGBT youth is now thirteen.

And, with the coming out age dropping, the parents of transgender youth now have the real world issues of accepting or rejecting their children, as well as school bullying issues to deal with:

[S]tudies have also found that one out of every four teens who comes out faces family rejection. The Safe Schools Coalition Web site notes that research done for the FBI in 1998 found that these LGBT teenagers make up 30 percent to 40 percent of the nation's homeless youths and that usually the gay youths' coming-out conflicts with their families' moral and religious beliefs.

Even LGBT youths who don't face rejection at home usually face some at school. According to the National Mental Health Institute, the average secondary school student hears an anti-gay slur 26 times a day. And 31 percent of kids who are gay or are perceived as gay were physically harassed or assaulted last year at school.

The Amethyst Ribbon Campaign was established as part of the Ian Benson Project. Ian was a 16-year old affirmed male who took his own life in October 2007. Ian's mother, TYFA's secretary/treasurer, hopes to help other children and families avoid the pain and struggles that can lead to suicide among trans youth.

Mission: TYFA empowers children and families by partnering with educators, service providers and communities, to develop supportive environments in which gender may be expressed and respected.

Vision: A society free of suicide and violence in which ALL children are respected and celebrated.